Ignorance is Bliss
by 4dauntlesscake
Summary: Clary has amnesia. She remembers nothing of her time in the shadow world with her friends because of one unfortunate night. But when Jace and the rest of the gang find her months later can they help her remember and can she learn to trust them again?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

 **Clary POV**

It's crazy how easily you can forget how unsafe our world really is, but you learn to live with it.

Walking home from the institute I'm definitely sore from how hard Jace worked me. On top of that I can only expect my mother's lecture on how I'm past my curfew, how I shouldn't have been introduced to this world, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong I love my mother but she just likes to test how far that unconditional love stretches on nights like these.

Walking up the steps to my house I can already tell something is off. The door is cracked open and I can hear a mumbling voice on the other side, not to mention my sensor going off in my pocket. I consider calling Jace but if it's something superficial it wouldn't be worth the call this late at night, I decide against it.

With a seraph blade in hand I walk up the step and stop as I'm right outside the door.

"Sanvi" I whisper to my blade, the energy immediately coursing through my body as it lights up.

I kick the door open with probably way too much force and take immediately drop my blade as I take in the scene before me.

In the middle of my living room lies my mother bleeding profusely from her chest, her dull green eyes are staring blankly at nothing in particular. At the sight I feel my heart contract painfully and a small whimper escapes my lips.

Luke looks up from where he is kneeling over my mom, he look distraught and grief stricken and angry. His eyes are blazing and there are trails of tears flowing down his cheeks, his ears are furry as though he is trying to stop himself from turning werewolf.

I run over to my fallen mother until what feels like a boulder shove me into the wall.

 _Stupid Clary. You forgot to scan the room_.

I have no time to react to the pain in my side before I see the demon that knocked me into the wall strike it's spiky hand down. I roll, narrowly missing being impaled and grab my seraph blade as it comes barreling toward me right into my weapon.

As the _thing_ screams in agony it alerts two more who were lurking inside of my kitchen. I don't have time to take out my seraph blade from the demon folding in on itself so I instead jump onto my kitchen counter and grab the first thing my hands latch onto, a spoon, great.

I throw the spoon at the other demon, which only seems to anger it more, it swipes blindly at me, catching my arm once with its long nails. Both demons grab angrily at me and with Luke being no help at the moment I leap onto the counter across from me to reach a kitchen knife and use it to impale the first demon through the top of the head. It screams before knocking into the second demon, which gives me a chance to turn on the stove and push the second demon into the flame.

As both demons disappear I breathe heavily from the battle and scan for anymore. When the coast is clear I scramble to find my phone in the living room where I left Luke and my mother.

"Luke." I say, tears in my eyes "What happened?"

He looks up at me, his eyes hysterical, before letting out an inhuman howl that finishes his transformation into a wolf. When he looks at me through his wolf eyes he snarls, not recognizing who I am for the first time, I feel my heart breaking once again.

"Leave!" I yell at him, having to fight my stepfather is the last thing I want to do right now.

He cocks his head at me, bearing his teeth; Luke must've been so distraught over my mom that this caused him to change.

"GO!" I scream, throwing my knife at him with deathly accuracy. When he gets out of the way from it, he runs through our glass back door to god knows where.

When I'm alone with my mom I've never felt so scared or vulnerable in my life. She's death- pale but I don't have the heart to admit to myself that she's gone.

With shaky hands I touch her cheek and trail my fingers down her neck, when I don't feel a pulse I feel myself going into hysteria. My breathing is becoming shallow and if anything else comes in to fight me I knows that's a battle I'll lose.

"Mommy." I whisper to her with grief and sadness thick in my voice. Silent cries are coming from my mouth as I close her lifeless eyes and set her head on my lap.

I reach for my phone next to me and look for Jace's number with blurry eyes.

"Hey you left not half an hour ago and you're already missing all this." I hear Jace's joking voice on the other side of the line.

"Jace?" I say, my voice shaking so much it's scaring me, "Please I need you right now. I don't know what happened I got home and there were demons, big ones and I fought them and Luke and my mommy's dead."

My voice gets progressively louder and sadder as I ramble through the events that have just occurred.

"Clary what are you talking about? Are you okay?" He asks, his voice filled with concern now.

"No Jace," I answer honestly, " _Please_ I'm so scared."

" I'll be right there Clary, I promise. Are you okay with me hanging up?" He asks, I hear him shuffling in his room

I whimper a yes.

"Clary I'll be right there okay baby? I love you and please stay safe until I get there." His voice sounds rushed.

"Oh she'll be just fine with me." I hear a voice bellow behind me causing a short scream to escape me.

Sebastian.

"Clary? _Clary._ What's wrong? Who is that?" Jace says on the other side of the line.

"Just her loving brother." Sebastian says over my shoulder this time so Jace can hear him loud and clear.

"Sebastian I swear to god if you lay a finger on her I'll show you there are things worse than death." Jace says in a deathly calm voice.

"It's a shame Herondale, because you're already too late."

As Sebastian speaks I feel a sharp pain in the back of my neck, I scream bloody murder as something fills my veins.

"CLARY!" I hear Jace yell, his voice is fuzzy now and the world is out of focus.

"I'll be waiting for you pretty boy." Sebastian says before he hangs up my phone.

"Sorry sis." Sebastian says to me, his face is out of focus from whatever he gave me, "It's so hard to get good help these days. Those demons almost killed you! Shame on them." His voice is condescending.

I want to say something but I only cough and lay my head on the ground.

"Don't worry. It'll all be okay. In fact, you wont even remember today, or that whore mother of yours."

A fresh stab of pain enters my heart.

"Don't you see Clarissa? We can finally be a family, we get to start over, _I_ get to start over."

What does he mean by that? My thoughts are jumbled and the world is fading from my eyes, I think I'm unconscious for a while until I here the door slam open.

My eyes open sluggishly to see the most beautiful person I think I've ever laid my eyes on. If I had my sketchbook right now I would draw his gorgeous golden eyes and hair, but I'm just so tired. I feel my memory tugging at me every time I look at this boy. Do I know him? Should I?

"Glad you could make it Jace." I hear my brother's voice behind me.

He's looking down at me with pained eyes, it's then I notice I'm still lying on the ground.

"What the hell did you do to her?" He asks angrily.

"I'm giving her an opportunity she never would've chosen for herself. To start over."

"She doesn't need to though! And definitely not with _you_." Jace spits.

My eyes are drooping again, even when they're closed I can feel Jace's eyes on me.

"Well it's a little late for that." I hear Sebastian say.

There's a hand still on the need in back of my neck that yanks it out making another whimper escape me.

" Well I think it's time we leave. Wouldn't want Lucian's mutt gang to complicate everything. Toodles Jace." I hear Sebastian say and he picks me up bridal style.

"Put her down!" Jace roars, making my eyes pop open to see his livid face. Sebastian still seems calm.

"No." is all my brother says, a chuckle in his voice.

And then nothing.

 **AN: Hey guys kind of a short chapter but I hope you all liked it! I would love to continue writing this story so Comment what you think about it! You all are amazing!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

 **Clary POV**

 **5 months later…**

"Clarissa Ravenwood I swear if you don't get off of me right now I'll-"

"You'll what?" I reply to my brother before he can finish his sentence, we're three hours into our training for the morning and this is the twelfth time I've pinned him, "Because I'm pretty comfortable where I am."

As I finish my sentence Sebastian is already rolling me over onto the training pad pinning me down painfully.

"Funny now aren't we?" He jokes as he gets off me.

Sebastian is complicated, sometimes I don't entirely understand him and I'm his sister. There are times when he's kind and caring and times when he's cruel and dictator –like and there's no way I can control those mood swings. Other times he can be distant, like when I ask him a question about when we were younger.

It's almost like I can't remember anything aside from the memories Sebastian and our mother Jacqueline tell me. I'm pretty sure I would remember the first time I killed a demon by myself…or where my room is in the institute, but as of lately I just can't.

" I totally let you do that." I say, getting water from the side of the training room.

"Keep telling yourself that, we all know who the better shadowhunter is." He mumbles.

I shoot him my best glare before going to my room to shower. There's nothing special about it; a cream colored comforters with a gold chevron design, a bedside table with my sketchbook and coloring tools, some clothes in my closet.

No pictures though. I guess you could say my family wasn't really the sentimental type.

I get changed into a pair of black shorts with a gray t-shirt and then put my damp hair into a messy bun on top of my head.

I walk out of my room into the kitchen where I see Sebastian in gear eating a bowl of cereal.

"Don't get too comfortable." He says with his mouth full, "We have a run down hospital full off demons we need to raid."

" _Today?"_ I ask him, all I wanted to do was just lounge around.

"Stop whining Clarissa, you're nephilim now act like it, go get changed." My mother chastises me sounding irritated.

I sigh and walk back to my room, gathering my gear and some weapons, in 5 minutes I'm out again fully runed.

As Sebastian and I walk the streets silently unnoticed by mundanes I think about how Jacqueline always seems to find the worst in me all the time and never in Sebastian, it's frustrating.

"How about this," Sebastian breaks the silence as we near the hospital, "Whoever kills the most demons doesn't have to do the grocery shopping after this."

I return his devilish smile with one of my own, "You're on."

I run into the hospital with two blazing seraph blades before he even has a second to react, maybe I'll get something out of this trip.

"What can I say? You never should have challenged me." I say in the hospital, unscathed aside from a few ichor scars.

The raid wasn't nearly as hard as we anticipated, a couple of rogue demons with nothing better to do and of course at the end of the raid I had killed 4 and Seb only 2.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Are you almost done? I have some shopping to do." He asks loathingly through the door.

I open the hospital room I used as a changing room to reveal the outfit I was wearing earlier. I toss the ichor-covered gear before grabbing my messenger bag and walk toward my brother who is now in jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Ready. " is all I say as we walk toward the exit to the subway.

Of course Seb and I have the luck of choosing the most crowded cart where I'm standing between my brother and a stranger behind me. My brother seems to find it hilarious that I can't reach the metal bar you hold onto if you're standing.

"Something funny? " I ask him.

"Nothing shorty." He smiles to himself, I can't bring myself to glare at him before a smile forms on my face, his happiness is infectious.

As the train jerks to a start I bump into the person behind me. Sebastian laughs, not looking up from his phone, I can almost swear he mumbles the word _klutz._

I roll my eyes before turning around to apologize to who ever I bumped into.

"I'm sorry about that." I say sincerely to a brown haired teen about my age, if I hadn't looked hard enough I wouldn't have noticed the way his skin is smooth almost like porcelain. _Vampire_. He seems harmless enough so I just let it slide.

"Don't worry about-" he stops suddenly when he looks down at my face, eyes wide.

I raise my eyebrows at him as if questioning why he's acting like that.

"Clary." He whispers almost in audibly, he looks shocked and surprised and happy all at the same time.

"Excuse me?" I say, when he doesn't reply immediately I continue, "Sorry…again."

I turn around to my brother who is still on his phone, I lightly tap him and he looks up at me questioningly. I tilt my head to the kid behind me and mouth _what's his problem_.

Sebastian's expression looks identical to Simon's for a moment before he collects himself, I'm about to ask him what's up until the train stops and Seb is pulling me behind him as fast as he can.

"Seb this isn't even our stop, what's your problem?" I ask him, he stops walking.

"Clarissa do you remember that kid?" He asks me in all seriousness.

"No… but he's a vampire isn't he? What's he doing riding the subway?"

My answer seems to visibly relieve him. Hmmm.

"Yeah, he was just giving me bad vibes. I wanted to make sure my little sister was safe." He says ruffling my hair.

"Aww you do care!" I joke

"Nah," He replies smirking " Mom would just kill me if you got hurt on my watch. Plus what would the Clave do without you?"

I scoff playfully as we walk out from underground into the afternoon light. Sebastian had told me that my ability to make runes was something they had never seen before, that I was special.

Why don't I remember?

 **Simon POV:**

Holy. Shit.

Clary is okay, she's healthy, she's…happy?

I'm so confused was that even Clary? No, I would recognize my best friend when I saw her and that was definitely her, there is no denying that.

But why doesn't she remember me? She didn't even seem to recognize me.

Plus she was with _Sebastian._ This isn't good I definitely should've followed her what if he's planning something? We've been looking for her for months now and it could be a while before we see her again.

And Jace will be pissed. God Simon you're so stupid.

My mind is reeling as I make it to Taki's where I find Isabelle on her phone sitting at a table for 4 people.

"Hey." I say as I walk up to her.

She gives me a peck on the lips as I sit down next to her, still deep in thought.

"Simon, did you hear a word I just said?" I hear Izzy ask me.

I look up at he face, when I don't answer she sighs "What's up you seem distant."

"It's nothing I just…" I consider not telling just in case it _wasn't_ her. But I'm so sure.

"I saw Clary today."

"You WHAT?" She half yells, drawing the attention of other people in the restaurant, she doesn't seem to notice.

"I know," I whisper " I mean I'm glad she okay and all but it was bizarre. She was actually _happy_ with-"

"What was bizarre?" Jace says, coming to the table with Alec.

Izzy shoots me a look as if telling me to shut my mouth for now.

"We were talking to Kaelie and they almost got rid of the Coconut Pancakes." Izzy says cooly, surprising me by how easily his lie comes out.

"What?! How could they do such a treasonous thing?" He asks theatrically causing Alec to pop a smile.

"Truly scandalous." Alec adds, texting on his phone.

The table hums to a comfortable conversation as we order and wait for our food to come out. During this time I notice Jace's constant foot tapping as if he's waiting for something.

Even I, the person he probably dislikes the most, knows that Jace Herondale never gets nervous. But ever since Clary disappeared he's changed, we all have, ad not for the better.

When Jace's phone vibrates he immediately checks it, we all watch as his face contorts into annoyance and he slams it on the table before running his hands through his hair.

"Another dead end?" Alec asks his Parabatai.

He just nods, "He's un trackable. For all we know she could be in hell with that prick."

"She may be closer than you think." I mumble to myself, earing a questioning look from Jace and a kick from Izzy.

Before Jace can open his mouth the food arrives and we're all lost in our own thoughts.

 **Clary POV:**

"How are you spending this fine afternoon?" I ask my brother, with a knowing smirk on my face.

"Grocery store." He mumbles.

"Sorry? I couldn't here that."

He just flips me off as we continue to walk causing a chuckle to escape me and a small smile to form on his face.

"Are you sure you don't want to help out your dear old brother with this long, long list? You know what mom always said, grocery shopping gets done faster with two people."

"She never said that!" I laugh, "Besides, you've already taken up most of my afternoon with that demon raid so have fun with your groceries!"

As I walk away Seb grabs my wrist "Don't go too far off okay. I'll text you when I'm done, so like in 4 hours." He groans

"Okay, I'll keep in touch." I say as I get lost in the sea of people on the New York City Pavement.

As I walk through the city I think about where I want to stop and draw. Central park is in it's peak season for tourists right now so that's a definite no. As I'm pushed around for being too slow I find myself in front of a hole in the wall café: Taki's.

I shrug, might as well.

A waitress, a kelpie, guides me to my table with a quizzical look. I thank her before sitting down and taking out my sketchbook and begin to draw. It's not long before the waitress comes back to take my order.

"Coconut Pancakes as usual?" she asks me.

I look up at her confused, "I'm sorry what?"

She raises and eyebrow the way I've always longed to do, "Clary, that's your usual order. Don't try to test me I know this stuff."

That's the second time today I've heard that name, who do they think I am?

"I think you're mistaking me for someone else." I smile, she doesn't seem convinced "I'll just take a coffee, please"

"Cream, sugar?" She asks me

"Just black." I say, she closes her order book and walks away.

I continue to draw until I hear a fork clang loudly onto a plate.

I look over to see the kid I bumped into on the subway.

Great. Now he has friends.

 **AN: Hope you guys liked this chapter! Keeping my authors note short and sweet because I don't really know what else to write but you guys are all amazing don't forget that!**

 **R & R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

 **Clary POV**

I try my best to turn away from the group of teenagers gawking at me until it becomes too much. The looks on their face are concerned, pained, and it's making me feel extremely uncomfortable.

Offering them a small smile I put money on the table to pay for my coffee and quickly pack up my art supplies before booking it out the door. When I exit the restaurant I feel like I'm home free.

Well I thought wrong.

I feel a strong hand grab my arm and pull me towards them into a tight hug. And then they're lips are kissing me.

Not a quick peck but a passionate, yearning kiss that turns my bones to water. It feels right somehow.

No Clarissa, stop it.

I pull away to see a golden boy so perfect it's unreal, as if he'd come out of a Modigliani painting. My brain is pulling for me to remember something as I stare into his overjoyed eyes.

"Clary." He says, when he smiles I notice a small chip in one of his teeth as if reminding world that nobody's perfect.

I stare at him blankly as he takes me in, I have the urge to run but can sense the presence of people behind me.

"I…I, I'm so sorry." I say, I have a feeling when he finds out I'm not the person he's looking for he'll be crushed.

"It's not your fault baby, that bastard took you but you're back now." His gentle fingers stroke down my cheek, making me feel somehow at home.

 _Bastard?_ I think, not noticing I've said it out loud.

"Sebastian. Clary he kidnapped you for god knows what, but you found us somehow." I hear a girl's voice say behind me.

I turn to see a super model status girl probably my age with raven black hair standing next to the vampire.

"Sebastian?!" I say incredulously " Why would he do something like that? He's my brother."

I feel slightly annoyed by how they judge my older brother; I start walking toward the entrance of the alley we've been pulled into until I'm stopped by what looks to be the Raven- haired girl's brother.

"Clary don't you remember us?" The black haired boy asks me.

"Stop calling me _that_!" I yell at them, feeling pissed and slightly overwhelmed. "I'm not Clary. I go by Clarissa, Clarissa Ravenwood. My brother is Sebastian and we're shadowhunters. I know your all are too except for him, the vampire." I point at the brown haired kid.

They all look shocked by my outburst, but it seemed to encourage all of them to move in closer to me.

"Could you just please, give me some space?" I ask.

They look at each other before lining the walls around me, aside from golden boy.

"Clar…issa. I don't know what happened but it's been months we've been looking for you and all of a sudden you just enter Taki's out of nowhere, it's kind of a shock to us." the raven- haired girl says.

"What are your names? How do I know you guys?" I ask, this seems to bring a fresh slice of pain to their faces.

"I'm Simon." The vampire speaks up awkwardly, "We've been best friends since kindergarten."

I squint my eyes at him, "I'm not so sure my mother, let alone my brother, would let me be friends with a vampire."

He looks down at his feet before the girl next to him gives a reassuring pat on the back.

"Jace Herondale." The golden boy speaks up, not taking his eyes off of me. "Our relationship has been, well, complicated the past couple of months. But you're my girlfriend."

My eyes go wide "I've… never had a boyfriend before"

He senses my slight stutter and a small smile appears on his face.

" _Yes you do_. And I can prove it." He says, taking out his phone. He unlocks it and goes to his photos, immediately I see pictures of Jace… and me. I click to enlarge one to see us in the park having a picnic, I scroll and see us in what looks like a garden and I'm sketching.

I gasp and stumble back looking at all of them, their faces are still hopeful.

"How?...When did.." I can't seem to finish a single thought.

Those pictures are of _me_. But I've never met them in my life. Have I? Surely I would remember.

" I told you." Jace smirks, the raven- haired girl elbows him in the gut.

" Clary the last time we heard from you was moths ago, you were at your house and your mom-"

"My mom is at the institute right now" I cut into Simon talking.

Their faces drop into one's of pity and sadness, which makes me wonder if they really do know something I don't.

Jace looks like he wants to say something until my phone starts to vibrate in my bag. I take it out to see my brother calling.

"Hello?" I answer tentatively, my mind still reeling from all the information I've just obtained.

"Clarissa! Where the hell are you. I've been texting you and you haven't been replying." Sebastian sounds angry on the other side of the line.

"Calm down Sebastian," I calmly reply, I notice Jace's and everyone else's bodies go stiff at the sound of his name.

"I can't! I've already gone home to drop off everything and mom is pissed you didn't come home with me."

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose, "where are you, I'll meet you halfway."

There's a second of silence, I assume he's looking at his surroundings, "I'm walking down Lexington, I'm coming up on this restaurant… Taki's"

"I'm right next to Taki's, you can't miss me." I say before hanging up.

I look at the faces watching me incredulously, "Well, it's been fun I guess?"

"Clary you know we can't let you leave." The girl says.

"And I'm sure as hell not letting you go with that dick"

"Hey!" I say to Jace, "That's my brother you're talking about."

"Clarissa!" A voice cut's in, we all turn around to see my brother looking annoyed. He walks over and roughly grabs my arm, it's then he seems to notice his little audience, his eyes are blazing and I notice some mischief in his black eyes.

Before anyone can say anything Jace is on top of my brother, punching him over and over and over again. I'm stuck where I am watching when Sebastian flips him over into the pavement. It's then when my mind realizes what's happening. I run over to the brawling boys, attempting to pull my brother off, Jace isn't making it any easier.

"Jonathan Morgenstern!" I finally yell.

Sebastian stop at that moment and turns his head toward me, "What the hell did you just call me?"

I stare at him, what did I just call him? _Morgenstern_?

When I don't answer he grabs my shirt and roughly slams me into the alley wall. He looks about ready to punch me when he lets me go and grabs my arm, "We're leaving"

"Like hell you are." Jace replies angrily "Let her go."

I look over my shoulder to see how battered up they both look. I spare Jace an apologetic look before grabbing my brother's shirt.

"Let it go. What's up with you?" I whisper to Sebastian, he looks at me and starts to walk away, expecting me to follow.

I feel stuck. I desperately want answers from people I don't know and have caused trouble since I met them. When I begin to walk away from them they look as though they want to follow. In the second it takes Sebastian to turn the corner I quickly run back to Jace, take out my stele and draw an _iratze_ on his inner arm. His hand lingers on mine as if he wants to keep me from going after my brother, I run away before he can say anything.

 **Jace POV**

I didn't realize I was running after Clary until I find myself being held back by Alec.

She just left. With _Sebastian_.

How could she not remember me?

"When you're done moping, I would like to go follow them."

I look up to Izzy staring back at me with determined eyes, a smirk forms on my face and I start to chuckle.

"What's wrong with you?" Alec asks me.

"You all heard that right? She called him Jonathan. And from the looks of it she's not supposed to know that."

They all seem to notice this at the same time. I've been looking for her for so long and she's just out of my reach. She doesn't remember anything and it breaks my heart, I'll have to start over because of Sebastian, my brother's _murderer._ Red hot anger flashes through me momentarily before I'm ready to follow my girlfriend.

Silently, like we've trained for years, we all climb to the top of the building and blend in as we jump from building to building to avoid traffic.

"I chose the wrong outfit to be following someone." Izzy says, she's wearing a pair of flip flops and a sundress, I roll my eyes since she doesn't seem to be having much trouble.

We follow in the direction we assumed they went until Alec final speaks up. Clary and Sebastian look like normal pedestrians until Clary is pulled into another alley with her brother. I look over to my parabatai and we make a silent agree to split up on opposite sides of them. I quickly cross the street with Izzy and watch from above as Sebastian yells at his younger sister.

"Clarissa Adele you are _never_ to call me that again!" He yell, looking enraged.

"I'm sorry I don't know where that came fr-" before she can finish he slaps her square in the face causing her to fall to the ground with a whimper.

I'm ready to kill him when Izzy latches on to my shirt pulling me back. I want to kill him.

"Shut up and stop making excuses! Jesus I can't take you anywhere without you getting us into trouble."

"Well if you haven't noticed you would be dead if I hadn't killed that demon behind you earlier." She says defiantly, that's my girl.

This seems to anger him more; Sebastian has the nerve to kick her in the stomach while she's still down. She doesn't scream, just grits her teeth.

"You need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut Clarissa." He says

Before she can answer a police officer wanders into the alley.

"You kids okay in here?" he asks, looking suspicious.

"Just fine officer!" Sebastian says putting on his charming voice that makes me want to gag.

He looks over to Clary whose still on the ground, she looks up and her eyes go wide. She slyly taps Sebastian on the back of the leg. He nods.

I look over at Izzy who seems just as confused as I do.

"Do you need help little lay?" He asks, walking toward her.

He comes near Clary and grunts as he helps bring her off the ground and support her. It's then I notice the black abysses for his eyes and lingering smell of garbage permeating off of him.

Demon.

"Clary!" I yell before I know it, Izzy looks shocked that I've blown our cover.

Clary and Sebastian's gazes shoot to me, which gives the demon the perfect chance to attack. I jump off the roof I'm on but before I know it a dagger has impaled the 'officer' sending out an inhuman scream before it begins to fold in on itself.

"Have you been following us Herondale?" Sebastian yells angrily

"Yeah, and I'm about ready to kill you." I retort, livid.

"Jace you know we can't do that, the Clave would be pretty interested in him." Alec says, appearing behind Sebastian with Simon.

"Oh really?" He sneers, "Last time I checked I'm stronger than you and your little club put together."

I laugh " Maybe you've forgotten that I've killed you once and I can sure as hell do it again."

" I'd love to stay and play but Clarissa and I have somewhere to be. Nice to meet you though." He says sarcastically "Clarissa we're leaving."

There's a small whimper behind Sebastian where I see Clary looking paler than a piece of paper and using the wall to support her, she's holding her side. A look of genuine concern and pain crosses Sebastian's face when he sees his hurt sister, it makes me sick.

"Oh my god!" I hear Izzy to say as I walk over to Clary.

There are stray tears running down her face as she falls onto the pavement, Sebastian is already holding her up and moving her hand away to see a stab wound from where the demon probably got her with its claws.

"You!" Sebastian yells at me "You distracted her by yelling you idiot. Now she's dying!"

I know he's right but it only makes me more angry that he's blaming it on me.

" _ME!?_ I remember you kicking your sister before this all happened. Not the mention you KILLED HER MOTHER!"

This time it's Alec holding me back, "Jace not now, we have to get her to the Institute."

"Like hell she's going with you, I've worked to fucking hard to make her forget and all of a sudden you lot show up making my plan go to shit!" his eyes are turning all black like the demon he is.

"Simon get Clary." I mumble

He swoops her up with his superhuman speed and takes her away from her brother, Izzy is urging me to leave but it goes in one ear and comes out the other, I walk over to Sebastian where he's still kneeling and punch him. Hard, harder than I've probably ever punched someone. He hits the asphalt with a thump and I know he's out cold for at least a little while.

"Let's go." I say, still fuming.

 **AN:** **Hey guys here's another chapter! I'm really enjoying writing this fanfic sand I hope you guys like it! You all are amazing don't forget that!**

 **R & R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

 **Clary POV**

"Clary!" I hear a voice above me yell as I'm about to stab the demon.

My head shoots up for a split second, distracted, to see Jace on the rood of a store. Was he _stalking_ us? That one distracted second gives the demon its time to pierce my side with its sharp claw. I don't let it see my pain but rather stab it with my dagger, causing it's police guard façade to drop away and sending it to hell where it came from.

I want to ask where Jace ad his friends came from but the pain it my side shoots up to my head. I close my eyes tightly as I slink back to the wall. The world is swimming in and out as he and my brother have a screaming fest.

"…Clarissa we're leaving." I hear my brother's voice like I'm underwater.

I go to walk to him until the pain shoots up again, a pathetic whimper escapes me. Sebastian will be so incredibly mad at me when we get home.

Seb grabs me before my head is able to hit the ground, when I look at him…he's different. Eyes black as if he's been possessed by some demon. I close them, scared at what my older brother can do right now, and then I'm being lifted up.

My eyes open lazily and I see Simon… the image of a goofy teenager that looks like him before he became a vampire flashes before me, he looks down t me with kind eyes, familiar.

"Let's go." I hear someone say. Simon is walking; running away with me and I try to wriggle out, where the hell am I going?

"Hey it's okay." He says quietly, "You're going to be safe."

When I open my eyes again there's a disgusting run down building in front of me, the glamour is hard to peel off but under it is another institute.

There's another New York? Sebastian never told me.

"Let me hold her." I hear a voice say, I feel myself being passed over to a pair of strong arms. My eyes immediately connect with ones the color of golden honey; warm and comforting.

Before I can say anything another slice of pain shoots through me, I scream and feels tears begin to run down my face.

"What is going on in…Oh my goodness." The voice belongs to a women who looks like she could be the raven- haired girl's mother.

"Call Magnus." Jace says in a serious tone, "Quick I'll take her to the infirmary, Izzy come with me."

"Magnus…" I whisper, I see a man with wild sparkly hair and cat eyes that can see through you, a ghost of a smile forms on my face before my head slumps back.

"Yeah, Magnus Bane the Warlock, you've known him forever Clare." Jace says kindly as he runs up the stairs, "Hey, stay awake. You can't fall asleep baby."

I open my eyes and feel myself on a bed, my side is bleeding and my gray shirt is covered in blood and so is Jace's. I reach over to touch it.

"I'm sorry." I say, but its not only for the ruined shirt.

"This? That's the least of my worries Clary." This guy just refuses to call me Clarissa.

"Not just-" I scream again feeling antiseptic flow onto my open wound.

"Izzy!" Jace yells at her

"What? It could be infected."

As the pain subsides I feel myself breathing heavily and my eyes droop.

"God dammit where's Magnus?" Jace sounds frustrated

"Calm down he should be here any second."

My eyes droop further and further as the seconds tick by until I can no longer keep them open. The door slams and my eyes shoot open and I see Magnus. He stares at me with wide eyes, I've been getting that reaction a lot today.

"Magnus she was stabbed by a demon thanks to this idiot." I hear Izzy say.

"You all need to leave, I'll save the questions for later."

Izzy walks out the door and Jace looks hesitant to follow.

I reach for his arm before he's out of my reach. "Stay with me, please." I beg, not wanting to be alone.

"Always."

I feel Magnus's hands go to my side and my hand tightens around Jace's, the last thing I see before everything goes black are blue sparks.

 **Jace POV**

"Maryse wants to see you Jace." I must've been dozing off because I jump awake when I hear Izzy's voice. I look over to Clary's sleeping figure, like it's been for hours, hesitant to leave her. She's no longer in her bloody clothes; Izzy had changed her into a pair of leggings and a beige sweater.

"She's not going anywhere Jace." She says before walking out.

I leave the infirmary following my sister to see Maryse behind her desk talking to Luke in a hushed voice. When Clary disappeared he didn't want anything to do with her, we tried multiple times to contact him for help but he would hang up, why is he here now?

"Jace, nice to see you." Maryse says in a motherly tone.

I nod and sit down next to Alec.

"What happened today?" She asks, getting right to the point like she always does.

"I'll probably tell you the same story as Alec, Izzy and Simon." I say simply.

"Ask Simon, he was the first to see her on the subway." Izzy blurts out

I shoot a look to Simon and I swear if Vampires could blush, he would be beat red right now. I feel slightly betrayed that they hadn't told me earlier.

"Is that true Simon?" Maryse raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, she was there with Sebastian, I tried to talk to her but Sebastian pulled her off the subway immediately after he saw me."

"He's definitely hiding something big, and he wants his sister with him voluntarily." Alec says, it gives me chill how he adds the word 'voluntarily'.

" What about you?" I give a pointed look at Luke

"What do you mean 'what about me'" he says gruffly

" Well you kind of abandoned her." Simon butts in sounding slightly angry for his best friend.

"It was for the best." He mumbles, not believing himself

"No it wasn't and you know it. You left her with her dead mother, you could've _saved_ her!" Simon yells at him, I'm surprised at how much anger is in his voice.

"Simon…" Isabelle says soothingly, trying to calm him down.

"No," I say, "He's right."

I look Luke square in the eye, the last thing I need right now is to pick another fight but I can't help it, it's in my nature.

"Jace you don't understand I was grieving-"

"For five months? When you're stepdaughter is out with a murderer? Yeah I don't think so. What you're doing is running away from your problems and _when_ Clary gets better you'll run away from her too and then she'll have no one. That's sick."

"Jace don't tell me about what's sick-" He looks like he wants to continue until his eyes wander to something behind me, I turn around to see Clary.

"I'm sorry." She says, blushing "Did I interrupt something? I'll just…erm"

"Clary" Luke says, running over to her and pulling her into a bear hug. She looks confused and slightly uncomfortable by how she grimaces.

"Do you remember me?" He asks her

"No, I'm sorry" she says honestly, a sad look on her face.

He seems angry, but takes a second to breathe.

"You're a werewolf aren't you?" She asks quizzically, I'm amazed by how tuned her abilities to tell different downworlders are; I wouldn't have been able to tell myself. "You have a short temper."

"You're just like your mother." He says longingly, she gives Luke a confused look.

"Luke" Maryse warns him, he gives her a look.

"Clary I'm here to take you home." He says.

I'm in shocked silence for a second. That was what Maryse and Luke were talking about before I came in.

"No!" I here myself, Izzy, Simon, Alec…and Clary say at the same time.

All eyes turn to Clary, who's looking at her stepfather.

"I can't do that," She says defensively "I mean thank you guys, for everything I just… I have to get home."

She turns and begins to walk out of the library but not before Maryse speaks up.

"Clary Sebastian's missing."

She stops cold and turns around slowly, looking like she doesn't believe what she's hearing.

"Excuse me?" She asks

"We had the clave track his location after you came here, there is absolutely no trace of him, the Brooklyn institute was wiped clean.

"No" she shakes her head "You don't understand, he wouldn't just leave me, I'm his sister, he can't just leave me!" Her voice gets progressively louder.

"I beg to differ." I whisper, she shoots me a glare and I put my hands up in surrender.

" Sorry but if I'm being honest he's evil Clary, he probably never cared about you-"

" Who are you to say that?" She snaps at Simon, "I don't _even know you_ , how could you know my brother?"

She doesn't wait for an answer before walking to the door, I notice a slight limp in her walk she's trying to hide showing she's not fully healed yet. I run up behind her like I used to in what feels like forever ago and pick her up by her waist, she inhales sharply when I touch her injury and then starts writhing in my grip.

"Let me go!" She says

"Sorry shorty, I can't let you leave."

"Jace!" She yells exasperated

"Clary he left you." I say strictly, she stops writhing and I put her down.

"But he wouldn't do-"

"Look what he's already done to you!" I say grabbing her sweater and lifting it up to show bruises that haven't healed from earlier today. She looks down and gasps, when she looks me in the eyes I know I've crossed the line.

"Clary-" I grab her wrist but slips through my grasp.

"I just need a second." She says quietly walking down the hallway.

I watch curiously to see where she goes, to my surprise she enters her old room and closes the door behind her. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, it's progress. I decide against going after her, I'd only make it worse, instead I lock the institute even though it won't help if she chooses to leave and go to bed.

I wake up at two o'clock that morning feeling exhausted from a nightmare, since I can't go back to sleep I leave to get some water from the kitchen. When I get there Clary's back is facing toward me, she's sitting, hunched over a glass of water at the kitchen island.

"Everything okay?" I ask her, she jerks up and turns to face me.

It breaks my heart to see her red, puffy face from crying. She tries to wipe away the stray tears before talking.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't be in here. I'm sorry I'll just go back to bed."

She runs back to her room before I can say anything else. This time I follow her.

"You know this is your room. Your real one." I say standing in the threshold of her door.

She looks up at me her eyes wide, I walk in and sit next to her on the window sill.

"My real home is with Seb." She says simply.

Tight fists form behind me, I hate how much he's brainwashed her to believe lies like that. I feel saddened at how confused and distraught she is to be in a place we're basically keeping her captive.

"We were in love." I say half to myself

She looks at me with curious eyes, "I loved you?"

"Is that hard to believe?" I ask

"You do seem a little arrogant…" she jokes "But I guess I could see it."

A small smile forms on my face, I've missed her _so_ much but I don't want to bury her with so much information so soon.

"Come on." I say, grabbing her hand

She giggles a little making my heart do a flip.

"Where are we going?"

"Our favorite spot."

"Well I have high expectations." She jokes which makes me chuckle.

We go up the winding staircase and when I open the door to the greenhouse flowers and the New York Skyline surround us.

I see a smile, a real smile, light up Clary's face. I lead her to the middle of the room where I sit down, Clary turns around in a circle to take the whole scene in in amazement.

"Wow." She says when she finally sits down next to me, "I can see why we liked this place."

"So you believe me?" I ask her curiously

She doesn't answer for so long I don't think she heard my question, so I let it go.

"I'm not sure I want to believe you. But I do." She whispers, "I've wanted answers for so long and somehow you have them. All I've ever been told about my life was from my brother and mother."

My heart contracts painfully, I don't want to imagine what will happen when she finds out.

I go out on a limb and wrap my arm around her shoulders when her eyes start to droop; when I do I'm happy to see her lean into me for support.

"I really miss your grilled cheese sandwiches." She mumbles

My eyes go wide, what did she just say?

"Clary?" I whisper, but she's already asleep

 **AN: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter I love writing this fanfic! Comment what you think about it I love reading your feedback because you all are amazing!**

 **Next chapter should be up soon!**

 **R &R  
XOXO**

 **Erin**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **Clary POV**

I wake up the next day feeling warmth on the right side of my body. I squint my eyes open and see the morning skyline of New York, it's beautiful. I look to my right and see Jace spread out next to me. His arm is around my waist holding me tight. I stare at him in wonder. He's _gorgeous_. He looks so peaceful as he's sleeping, he has small bags under his eyes which makes me wonder how long its been since he's slept.

He sighs softly as he wakes up, when he see me staring at him a smile forms on his face.

"Morning sleepy head." I say, smoothing down some of his wild strands, he closes his eyes, seeming to enjoy my touch.

"Morning Red." He says

I scrunch my nose, "Is that one of my nicknames?"

"Yeah but you hated it."

"I still do." I say, causing him to chuckle, my heart seems to jump a little whenever I hear it.

"Let's go get food before Izzy destroys it all" Jace says.

I guess Izzy isn't as harmless as she seems. I go to sit up until a sharp pain in the back of my head pulls me down, "Ah!"

"Hey, are you alright? What hurts?" He asks me

"It's just a headache." I say, trying to reassure him. I close my eyes and breathe through my nose before it subsides; I open my eyes to see Jace leaning over me.

"Lead the way." I say to him with a small smile.

Jace stands up and then pulls me up after. As we walk through the institute I notice things I didn't last night. Like how huge the institute is yet it's so empty.

"How many people live here?" I ask Jace

"It's just Me, You, Izzy, Alec, Maryse and Robert. But we get visitors from time to time."

I nod as we enter the kitchen where Izzy and Simon are already sitting around a table talking.

"Hey Clary, what do you want to eat? Cereal? Good because that's all we have."

"Yes thank you." I say

"What kind?" He asks me

"Honey Nut Cheerios" Jace and I say at the same time. I look at him curiously as to how he knows my favorite cereal and just winks at me.

I sit down next to Jace at the table as we eat with easy conversation around the table.

"Hey Simon?" I say with my mouth full " When are you going to give me back my sweatshirt from your house? It's my favorite and you've been keeping it hostage with my GTA game."

I hear spoons around me drop with a clatter around me. When I look up Simon, Jace and Izzy are all staring at me.

"What? Is there something in my teeth?" I ask self-consciously.

"Clary you remember that?" Simon asks me.

I look at him "Are you crazy? GTA is my life"

They look at each other with slightly hopeful expressions I've gotten used to seeing on their faces, every time I seem to disappoint them.

"Clary when did you give me GTA?" He asks me cautiously.

I think for a second, "I don't know maybe two or three days ago."

"Should we call Magnus?" Jace asks Izzy as If I'm not there.

"Yeah, he'll probably know what to do." Izzy replies.

"What is going on?" I finally ask.

"Clary you remember me." He asks me kindly.

"Of course I do Si. I've known you since we were what? Three years old?"

Jace roughly pulls his chair out from under the table and gets up to leave.

"I'll go call Magnus" He mumbles before exiting, his mood did a full 360 in the past couple of minutes.

"Don't mind him, he's always moody like this." Izzy reassures me.

I just nod before moving around my cereal in my bowl.

After Jace's little moment I had gone back to my room to change into some jeans and a sweatshirt. I haven't brought myself to look anywhere but by closet, not the desk or the side table drawers. I feel like I would be invading someone's property, my own.

Lately I've taken to looking out of my window that looks over Manhattan, it's the only constant thing I can count on seeing right now in my life. I jump when there's a knock on the door.

"Hey Clary, Magnus is here." Izzy says

I get up and go to walk behind her towards an infirmary that looks similar to the one in the Brooklyn institute. In front of me is an extremely flamboyant man who I assume is Magnus.

"Clarissa how are you?" He asks, putting his hands on my face.

"Fine. You must be Magnus." I look at him curiously, I've seen this man before, "You've visited the Brooklyn institute before. I've seen you there before."

I see Alec behind him raise an eyebrow at him but doesn't say anything.

"Let's go see what's wrong with you." He leads me to a bed to sit on, completely ignoring my question.

I notice Jace, Alec and Izzy talking in hushed voices in the back of the infirmary. Jace looks slightly pissed but seems hard to be trying to control himself.

"Lay down for me sugar plum" I do as he says and he puts his hands on either side of my forehead, closing his eyes to focus.

I close my eyes expecting to feel something but when I don't I open one eye.

" Clary how long do you remember Sebastian and your family? Your own memories not the one's they've told you."

I think for a second and realize I can't exactly answer that question. I look down at my feet and shrug.

"Do you know where he is?" I ask him honestly

"Would you like to call him?" He replies handing me a phone

" _Magnus_." Jace butts in but is silenced when sticks his index finger at him as if telling him to shut up.

I hastily grab the phone and type in my brother's number.

I feel my heart beat faster as it continues to ring.

" _Hello you've reached Sebastian, can't get to the phone right now but I'll call as soon as possible, bye."_

I close my eyes tightly, fighting back tears. He really did leave me.

"Hey Seb," I start, leaving a message "I don't know what happened yesterday but if it's something I did I'm sorry. You know, call me back when you can. Bye."

And hand the phone back to Magnus, defeated.

"Aw duckling it's nothing you did. Sebastian is evil and-"

"I don't exactly know who you guys are. But I'm starting to trust you, which may not be the smartest idea but I feel like I can."

"We're your friends Clary of course you can."

I look up at Izzy and offer her a small smile.

"I have a question. Why can Clary remember the vampire so easily and none of us?" Jace asks

"She's known Simon for so long her memories are deeper kept. Plus whatever Sebastian has been giving her is starting to wear off. Just give it time Jace."

He seems frustrated with his answer, I walk to put an arm on his shoulder but her shrugs it off and leans on the wall, ouch.

"Maybe looking through old stuff in your room will help, jog your memories." Alec offers.

I look up at him and nod. It's worth a try.

They all follow behind me to my room, it slowly fills up with all of their bodies.

"What would help?" I ask them

"Definitely your sketchbooks." Isabelle says reaching for my desk drawer and pulling out a beat up leather book.

I open it with everyone crowded around me the first chunk of pages contain runes, some look half torn out. Simon and his awful band takes up some more and then Jace and Izzy and Alec, also Magnus but not as frequent. I turn to a page with a picture of a coffee cup, so real looking I could almost reach my hand in and take it out.

" _Well you'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm out of commission. Look, Jammies."_

" _Jace this is important"_

" _Don't tell me, you've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could always ask Hodge. I hear he'll do anything for a-"_

" _JACE! JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN FOR ONE SECOND WILL YOU?"_

 _I walk into the room and pull out he picture I'm holding out of the paper! It's a real coffee cup?!_

I wake up from my stupor and drop the sketchbook like it's on fire and jump away, shaking my head.

"What's wrong?" Isabelle asks me.

"Who's Hodge?" I ask, they look at each other.

"Hodge was our old tutor months and months ago, he was killed…" He looks like he's holding back a bit of information.

"By who?"

"Your charming older brother." Jace says, not looking at me.

I look at him in disbelief, all of their faces are the same; he's telling the truth.

"Don't believe us? Ask the Clave." He says bitterly, what's up with him?

"I'm..I'm so sorry." I apologize for my brother like I always have to.

"Clary it's not your fault." Alec says, "You don't have to apologize for him"

I sigh and nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"You guys must really hate him huh?" I say quietly, sitting down on my bed.

"He's not exactly the good guy in our little fairy tale." Izzy sits next to me, "He's done a lot of bad things, murdered a lot of people."

I look up at Izzy; her eyes are blazing making me think I shouldn't press her for an explanation.

"Maybe I should keep trying." I say, reaching for my sketchbook.

"No, no, no Honeybun" Magnus says, "Too many memories flooding back at once could make you want to kill yourself, you need to let it come naturally. Don't push yourself."

I nod, understanding where he's coming from.

"So.." Alec says, rubbing the back of his neck "Taki's?"

 **AN: Hey guys so sorry for the short chapter but more to come tomorrow! Hope you guys enjoyed it, I'm really starting to get a feel for where this fanfic is going and it's going to be a wild ride! From now on I'm going to try to make these chapters longer for you guys because you all are amazing!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **Jace POV**

It's the most frustrating thing to have someone you love not remember them. I know I've come off as pretty rude the past couple of hours to Clary but I cant help it that she remembers ratface but not her own boyfriend.

I look back at Clary walking behind the rest of us with Simon, she's laughing and seems genuinely happy.

"You should be happy she's making progress." Izzy says, walking next to me.

"Why can't she be making progress with me?" I say half to myself.

"It'll happen Jace. She'll get better."

"When?"

"You know I don't know the answer to that. But you have to be there for her. And right now you being frustrated at her for something she can't control isn't helping."

I sigh, knowing she's right.

"Thanks Iz." I say ruffling her hair.

She glares at me before going to fix her hair.

"The usual for all of you?" Kaelie asks as she comes to our table. We all nod and I notice Clary nod tentatively next to me.

"You'll love it." I whisper to her, she looks at me and smiles.

I could just kiss her right now, but that would probably be considered taking it too fast.

When the food gets to our table I watch as Clary's expression lights up at her first bite of coconut pancakes.

"These are amazing!" She says enthusiastically which makes me laugh.

"Told you."

The table flows into easy conversation as we eat, when we're close to finishing up I notice Clary looking through the photo album in her phone. I watch over her shoulder as she scrolls through pictures of us in the library, central park, etc.

She stops when she sees a picture from months ago I don't even remember her taking, probably because I was busy being possessed.

It's of Sebastian and I in Valentine's floating apartment. I guess we were training. I take the phone from her hands and immediately delete it, she looks at me shocked.

"He's no good for you Clary." I say in a monotone voice.

She's silent, and nods at me.

"What do you say we do a little bit of demon hunting tonight?" Alec asks us.

I smirk at him, "Of course I'm up for it. what kind of question is that?"

Getting ready to hunt demons is second nature to me by now. Get dressed, look nice, grab your weapons, leave.

I'm downstairs talking to Alec and Simon when Izzy and Clary come down looking ready to go clubbing. Clary looks amazing as always, my heart contracts painfully as I remember the first time we went hunting together at pandemonium, we've all changed so much.

"Hey beautiful." I whisper into her ear playfully, I chuckle when she blushes.

"Are we ready?" Izzy asks, looking identical in black dress like Clary's.

"Let's do this." Clary replies, a malicious look in her eyes I know Sebastian probably taught her.

"Easy there tiger." I say, wrapping my arm around her waist, when she goes ridged, I drape my arm over her shoulders.

Take is slow Jace.

 **Clary POV**

As we enter pandemonium I feel a rush an adrenaline shoot through me, _this should be fun_.

With Sebastian I'm always automatically bait, which I don't mind. But in this group I wouldn't be surprised if it were Izzy. I mean she's gorgeous.

"Let's get going, Izzy and Clary will bait tonight. We'll be right behind you guys." Alec says before disappearing with Jace in tow.

"Come on." Izzy pulls me into the crowd of moving bodies and we start to dance.

"Do you remember this place?" She asks me after a while.

"I've come here a couple of times with Simon." I say honestly, my answer seems to disappoint her and I look down at my feet.

We dance in silence for a while as boys come and go to dance with us, some drunker than others. I notice Jace's eyes on us at one point.

"What's a beautiful girl like you doing here alone?" a voice whispers into my ear behind me.

I turn around and immediately see an attractive brown haired boy lightly grabbing my waist; when I peel away the glamour a demon appears.

"Dancing." I giggle, trying to suppress my wanting to heave at the smell of ichor.

"Why not dance with me?" He asks.

I don't answer as he begins to pull me closer to him, over his shoulder I see Jace looking ready to pounce. The only thing holding him back seems to be Alec. Why is he so concerned about me? I'm perfectly capable of keeping myself safe!

"Can I have a private show?" He asks me seductively, _don't gag_.

"Follow me." I wink at him and then grab his hand.

As we get to a back room that reads 'employees only' the demon gets in front of me and locks the door, shit.

"Clarissa." He speaks, his eyes turning black, "Your brother's worried about you."

I stare at him in silence for a second, "My brother left me."

"Well he didn't exactly have a choice." I look up at him

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well your brother doesn't exactly have the best reputation with the clave."

"Well that's not an excuse for him to just up and abandon me without any message or anything." I snap.

"Well here's your opportunity. He hasn't abandoned you he's here for you."

My heart pumps faster, do I trust a demon? Does my brother really want me back? God I miss him.

Both our heads turn when there's a bang on the door.

"Clary!" It's Jace's voice.

"Choose quickly Morgenstern." The demon says

My head snaps to him and he chuckles. What. The. Fuck.

"God damn it." I hear from behind the demon before a knife slices the brown haired demon in half.

"It's so hard to find good help these days. Am I right?" Sebastian says, cleaning off his blade.

My eyes go wide as I see him and then proceed to walk up and slap him hard on the cheek.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"I don't know? Maybe leaving me to wake up with complete strangers. You didn't even answer your phone."

"Had to throw it away." He says, indifferent.

" _Why?!_ That's all I'm wondering." The hurt in my voice makes him turn his head.

"Clarissa there are some things that cannot be explained right now, right here. But you trust me, correct?"

There's another hard bang on the door, making it look like it's ready to break.

"Of course Seb."

"Then you need to come with me." He holds out his hand.

"But what about J-"

"Don't you dare say that name Clarissa, he's no good for you."

I give him a questioning look.

"He's a murderer, Clarissa. All he does is lie." He looks me straight in the eyes.

I gasp, _no._

The door barges open and Jace, Alec, Izzy and Simon fill the room.

"Oh hell no." Jace says in a dangerously low voice.

"Looks like the whole gang's here." Seb says calmly, "it's a little too late though, she's coming with me."

Sebastian grabs my hand ad pulls me close to him. It's then Alec lets an arrow fly in our direction; Sebastian pushes me to the ground as it hits him square in the chest. A scream escapes me until he disappears before my eyes.

"No." I whisper, running to the spot he was just standing, I turn around to face Alec with tears welling up in my eyes, "what did you do to him?"

"He was a hologram, he wasn't really there." Alec says, scanning the room.

"Are you okay Clary?" Jace says walking over to me.

When he kneels down to touch me, he looks like he thinks twice when he sees the look on my face. Fear. I scramble backwards until I hit a wall.

"I need to find him." I say half to myself.

They all look down at me like I'm crazy.

"Clary he's dangerous, he'll kill you." Izzy says sternly.

I barely hear her, I start to get up and run to the door until arms wrap around my waist and stop me.

"Let go of me!" I start to writhe in Jace's arms until a stabbing pain courses through my head making the world go blurry and my body go limp.

 _I'm in a room with my brother and Jace. How did they know each other? Why do they hate each other now? There's a lady they're talking to, older maybe 60s. She hands my brother some golden material. Adamas._

 _Is this a memory?_

 _My brother turns around as he examines it, he smiles the malicious way he always does when he's won something. He tells Jace something over his shoulder before walking over to me. I watch as Jace takes out a seraph blade and stabs the woman._ ( **AN: Scene from CoLS. Not sure if I got it exactly right.)**

I come back to reality after that. I'm still in Jace's arms, being held back which send another spark of fear through me.

" _Please._ " I beg him, trying harder to get out of his grasp, "Let me go."

"Hey, it's okay Clary." Jace says calmly, turning me around in his arms. He's strong; no matter how much I push him away it barely seems to faze him. He finally seems to get the message and lets go of me, I quickly move away from him.

"You…you…" I point a shaky hand at Jace, he looks confused, "Murderer."

"What are you talking about? Clary what did he tell you?" He asks me, an edge to his voice.

"He didn't have to, I saw it for myself." I say defiantly.

Jace looks frustrated, I watch as he turns around and punches a box off the top of a pile of them.

"Jace-" Alec says, a note of warning in his tone.

" _Shut up!_ " He yells at Alec, startling me in further into the wall.

" _Jace_. You can't do this right now she-"

"Izzy I don't want to hear it!" He yells at her, "That asshole is always right in our range and we _never_ think to just _kill him already_?! I'm fucking tired of this little game he wants to play, I mean, HE'S THE REASON ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENED! He's feeding her lies and he's the reason she'll never have a-"

"Jace Herondale I swear to god if you don't shut your mouth right now I will gladly do it for you!"

I feel close to tears right now. I'm scared by how angry he got talking about my brother but I just don't know who to believe anymore. I back up further into the wall when I feel my back hit a wire shelf, which knocks over various boxes. All eyes turn to me.

Jace's fiery eyes turn softer when he sees the panicky look on my face. He looks like he wants to come closer but chooses to stay where he is. Good choice on his part.

I don't wait for them to start speaking before I slip out of the door and begin to run. I'm hit with the heat of hundreds of bodies squished together on a dance floor first. I focus and find the quickest way through the crowd. Sebastian couldn't have just left me; he said he wanted me back! That means he has to be somewhere around here.

As I run I look around not only for my brother but to see if I'm being followed. When I'm about to exit I notice Isabella's dark eyes lock with mine, before she can call the others my way I've already left. I run as fast as my high-heeled ankle boots can while looking up and down the streets of New York. I probably look out of place in my black dress made for dancing and not wandering around the city but then again this is New York, you see everything.

I stop for a second to catch my breath at a less busy street. I look around to see if I'm being followed and think. _If I were Sebastian where would I be?_

Suddenly I'm pulled out of the street into what looks like an abandoned restaurant. The windows are barred and the only opening I see is the one I came through which is currently blocked by my brother.

"Looks like you found me." He says with no humor in his voice.

" You haven't given me answers yet." I say, crossing my arms, " What are you hiding Seb? I can help you."

"No I don't think you can." He snaps.

"Why not?"

"How can I trust you? You led that blonde prick and the rest of his group right to me!? You betrayed me!"

"Hey! That brown haired boy…Simon is my best friend. Why would you hide him from me for so long?" I retort.

"You're starting to remember." He mumbles under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing." He sounds annoyed, pissed off even. "You know what? I don't even know why I waited for your sorry ass."

I look up at him, shocked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

" I mean you're a useless little bitch who's been holding mom and I back since you were born! No wonder dad left us." He spits at me.

"You don't mean that." I whisper, his words hurting my heart more than I let off.

He lets out a cruel laugh, "Oh really? Get your little Ravenwood ass over here. Mom'll be none to pleased to hear who you've been hanging out with."

"What if I'm not actually a Ravenwood?" My voice shakes throughout the sentence, but it somehow feels right.

"What did you just say?' Sebastian says through gritted teeth.

"I think you heard me, Jonathan." I remember how he reacted to me saying that name the other day.

However before I can comprehend I feel two simultaneous sharp blows to my collarbone and cheek.

"Don't you _ever_ call me that again?! Do you understand?" He sounds enraged.

When I don't answer, he picks me up by my hair, causing me to scream and punches me in the stomach, "I said do I make myself clear?"

I nod, but it doesn't satisfy him. He grabs my arms in a vice grip just above my elbows, I know there will be bruises there.

" _Yes or no_ Clarissa?"

"Yes." I slur, my voice comes out as a whisper out of fear.

He throws me onto the ground and look down on me in disgust, "You can stay here for the night, learn your lesson."

With that he walk out of the building, I'm left to crawl onto an old booth in the rundown restaurant. I curl up, trying to protect myself from the cold and the inevitable demons lurking around.

And I allow myself to cry.

 **AN: I felt this was an appropriate spot to end the chapter so here it is! Shorter than I would've liked it but it felt right to end it here. Hope you all liked it I really enjoyed writing it!**

 **And as always comment what you think about the fanfiction, what you want to see in it, etc. I love hearing your feedback, it makes my day! You all are amazing!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 **Clary POV**

 **DISCLAIMER: I Do not own TMI only the plot o the story. Certain lines in this chapter are from The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones that was written by Cassandra Clare, I've simply used her beautiful words in my fanfic(: Enjoy!**

I have know sense of how long I've been lying here alone on this booth but I can say that my entire body now hurts from Sebastian beating me and that I have nowhere else to go.

So lay here I shall.

It's gotten darker and I feel myself drifting in and out of sleep. I know I shouldn't, I should stay awake in case I'm attacked by a demon or something. But then again…what else do I have to live for right now? What have I done? My brother no longer wants me and I've pushed away the friends that have _accepted me_ like no one else had in my painfully forgotten life. I feel another sob choke my throat, I bite it down as best as I can. You're a shadowhunter Clarissa, act like it.

I must've fallen asleep. There's a breaking noise that startles me awake, making my body start to hurt again, and makes me want to do nothing more but hide. I stay curled up as best as I can, not making a sound. I wait for the scent of rotting garbage to hit me, but when it doesn't, I spare a look up.

I see Simon hovering over me immediately as I lift my head up, I gasp and scramble back into the wall that connects the booth, I whimper when it hits the side Sebastian kicked.

"Hey, Clare. It's okay." He whispers, I look around to see if the others are around.

"They're keeping watch outside, I can't tell you how much Jace wanted to come in with me to find you." He says, answering my unvoiced question.

I have no idea what to say, "You guys…came for me?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Of course Clare, You would've and have done the same for us. We're your friends and I know you may not remember it but you can trust us."

I ignore the pain in my body and stretch out to hug my best friend, I'm starting to figure why he's my best friend. When we release he looks me up and down before touching my cheek; which I imagine has a bruise on it.

"Clary who did this to you?" He asks me, but I feel like he already knows the answer.

"He doesn't want me, Si. He said I was a useless bitch whose been holding my mother and him back since I was born. He…he told me it was no wonder our dad left us." My voice is shaking by the end and I feel silent tears fall from my face once again from the pain of rejection.

"You don't need him Clary, you never did. He's a jerk and the Clave hates him, you've got to believe us." Simon tells me.

"IS EVERYTHING OKAY IN THERE?" Both of our heads snap in the direction of Jace's voice outside.

"COMING OUT." Simon replies to him before turning his attention to me, "Can you walk?"

Uncertainly, I get up. I put weight on my left leg and then a sharp stab from my right ankle makes me lose my balance, adding a sprained ankle to my list of injuries. Great.

"I got you." Simon says, swooping me up bridal style and with that, all of the little energy I had left is gone.

"Thank you Si." I say quietly, resting my head on his chest.

"Any day, Red." Ugh, I hate that name.

As we walk out I tune out what's happening around me, I know Simon is retelling what I told him inside. I can tell by the shocked expressions around me and how their eyes keep shifting towards my bruises. They seem angry. I slip out of consciousness when Simon begins walking.

When my eyes open again we're still walking down the street. I see Jace and Alec in front talking in hushed voices. Simon is still carrying me and is talking to Izzy next to, I can't make out what they're saying.

"Hey there sleepyhead." Izzy says, when she sees I'm awake. I offer her a small smile.

" I'm sorry." I say to Simon, "I can walk from here, it can't be too far."

Simon looks at Izzy and then at me, he looks uncertain but lets me down. I groan softly as my ankle takes on my body weight but otherwise fight through the pain.

"Simon I told you to carry her." Jace says, turning around.

"But-"

"I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own." I tell him defiantly as I limp down the street.

He rolls his eyes and swiftly scoops me into his arms before I can say anything, "You're just as stubborn as I remember you being." He says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask him.

A small smile forms on his face that makes my heart skip, it feels…familiar. He shakes his head and continues to walk.

"Let's get you fixed up." Jace says, gently placing me on 'my' bed in the institute, or at least the bed that was supposedly mine before I disappeared.

I watch him go into one of the bedside table drawers and take out a stele, he sit's down next to me on the bed and takes my arm, in the light I can see the hands shaped bruise encircling it. As he draws the rune on my upper forearm I watch as the bruises begin to fade, as with the ones on rest of my body.

"Have you ever hit your sister?" I ask him curiously.

He looks up at me, eyes wide, "I would never do that to her. And if anyone did I would kill them, like I'm going to kill your brother for touching you like that."

A chill runs through my body at his words, "You all really seem to hate him. Why don't you hate me that much?"

He looks up at me again, "Oh Clare, If only you could remember the terrible things he's done in the past couple of months, he killed my little brother."

My eyes go wide, "Max." I say before thinking.

Jace's eyes light up and the name that comes out of his mouth, but he doesn't push me.

"You're not like him," He says, walking to the door of my room, "You're the opposite; angel and devil."

After he leaves I get up, happy that my ankle is healed, to quickly shower and change. I'm exhausted, but when I lay in my bed I find I can't fall asleep. I'm not even sure I do fall asleep rather than sucked into memories I don't even remember making:

 _There they were, the Lightwoods: Maryse with her arms around Isabelle, who was sobbing, and Robert Lightwood sitting on the ground and holding something- no, someone, and I thought of the first time I'd seen Max, at the institute, lying limp and asleep on a couch, his glasses knocked askew and his hand trailing along the floor. "He can sleep anywhere," Jace had said, and he almost looked as if he were sleeping now, But I knew he wasn't._

A sick feeling in my stomach leads me to believe a couple of things: a) This was in Idris, b) That is Jace's little brother c) this is all my brother's fault.

I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the information I've just obtained, suffocated by it. I want to forget, I want to forget so badly it hurts. I kick the covers off of me and curl into a ball, I seem to be doing that a lot now. The image of the dead boy sticks in my mind until I want to scream. Before I think about my actions I'm already scrambling out of bed, out my door to the other side of the hallway.

Jace props himself up when he hears the door open, I can tell he was sleeping by the way he squints his eyes from the light filtering in from the hallway and his tousled hair.

"Clary?" His words are slurred ever so slightly.

"Jace, I… I'm sorry I don't even know why I'm here. You're the only person I thought of coming to but it's really late…erm, early in the morning and I shouldn't have-"

"Come here." He says, shutting me up from my rushed words.

Without thinking I crawl under the covers next to him in his bed, I don't think to touch him until he wraps one of his strong arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"What's on your mind?" He asks me.

"I remembered something." I say, taking in a shaky breath as he looks down at me curiously, "We were in Idris. I guess we had come back from something, I don't know what, but then there's your brother Max being held by your father and you all looked so distraught and I just _knew_ that this was my brother's fault and words cannot describe how sorry I am Jace. I'm so so sorry." A couple of stray tears leak out of my eyes by the end.

"Hey." He says, taking my face in his hands and wiping the tears away with his thumbs, "What are you apologizing for? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

"Not just that. I've been such a bitch to you and you don't deserve that, Jace. I'm sorry and I understand if you hate me and never want to for-"

"I could never hate you Clare." He tells me, looking me straight in the eye, "We've been through _so_ much together, you may not remember it now, but you will. You may not remember it but I love you to the moon and back, and I'm pretty positive you felt the same way."

I have no idea how to reply, _he loves me. I belong somewhere, but I don't remember._ I rest my head on Jace's chest and close my eyes for a second, he feel familiar, like my hands have touched him a million time but my mind was never there.

"Tell me a story." I ask him, "About us."

I can tell he's thinking for a second, "You know you saved my life once. Like literally brought me back to life."

I look up at him, eyes wide, "I did? Why would I want to bring you back to life?" I say sarcastically.

He puts a hand on his heart with a look of mock pain, "You wound me Clarissa. I mean who wouldn't want all of this sexiness alive for himself?"

I giggle, "I have no idea what I was thinking."

He clutches his heart, making me laugh out loud "Your words hurt Clary, like knives through my heart." He says poetically.

"I mean I _guess_ I'm glad I kept you around." I say to him, he smiles down at me. His smile is beautiful.

I snuggle closer to him, feeling tired again.

"Sleep easy Clary."

His voice is nice, it soothes me like no one else's voice ever has.

Which brings up the thought that I just might be falling in love with this boy…again.

 **Jace POV**

She's beautiful, just as I remember. God I missed her so much and now she's back, she's damaged but she's here with me. It's hard for someone to fix themself when they don't even know something is wrong. I hate what Sebastian has done to him and I personally want to kill him for what he's done. The only problem is I have no idea how Clary'll react. I mean he _is_ her brother and she seems to have grown an emotional connection to him, however it was probably broken last night when he treated her like a piece of shit.

Clary looks so peaceful next to me until she starts to stir.

"Morning sleepyhead." I joke, her eyes are still closed but I watch as a small smile forms on her face. I can't help but smile back.

"Morning goldilocks." She says back, she's said that to me a million times.

"Goldilocks?"

"Yeah, because you have gold hair."

"Ha ha. You're so funny." I say dryly which makes her smile and giggle, "Come here."

I gently pull her on top of me. I watch as a cute blush blossoms on her cheeks as we both become painfully aware that I'm in a pair of boxers with no shirt and she has on an oversized t shirt and no pants. One of us is just better at hiding our emotions than the other. I run my hand down her cheek; She's back. It's hard being this close to Clary and not being able to kiss her.

I don't get to think that for long when she takes matter into her own hands and kisses me herself.

It's shy at first, as if she's not sure if I'll kiss her back but oh boy do I. Words cannot describe how much I missed kissing Clary, no matter how shallow that sounds. Her lips are so soft and gentle and I feel her hands wander around my chest like she always used to. I told myself I wouldn't take things to fast with her until she got better, but that has definitely gone out the window. I let my hands wander up her shirt onto her hips.

Everything else in the world goes away as the kiss gets deeper and more yearning. I mean I've gone _months_ without this girl you can't expect me not to be more passionate. I hear her gasp slightly when I flip us over so I'm propped up on my elbows. The kiss deepens even more as she puts her hands on either side of my face. One hand moves back on her hip and up her waist, I stop suddenly when I feel a raised scar on her waist. I stop immediately and lift up her shirt to see what looks like a scar caused by a knife closer to the back of her waist.

I touch it gently, it's not that long but it still hurts because I _know_ it wasn't there months ago before she was taken, it also answers the question as to who did this to her.

"Clary-"

"It was my fault!" She says, still half in a daze from our kiss.

I raise an eyebrow at her as if asking her to explain.

"It's my fault this happened to me. I wasn't listening to Sebastian so I needed to be taught not to disrespect him and to listen." She sounds like she's reciting exactly what he had told her the day he did this to her which only makes me angrier.

I want to get this energy out _now_ but I don't want to take it out on Clary, It isn't her fault.

"I'll kill him." I say, my hands tightening into the sheets under me.

"Hey." She says gently, putting a hand on my cheek, "It's over now, Can we forget about this?"

I think we both know I never will but I nod anyway. Her eyes brighten and she touches my shoulder that has the star imprint on it.

"You have one too." I say, rolling up her shirtsleeve so she can see it, her eyes get even brighter and she smiles at me.

"How?" She asks.

"Remember How I told you, you brought me back to life?" She nods, "Well you met Angel Raziel and he told you that you could have anything you wanted. You could've asked for anything, Clary, but you asked for me. We got these because we actually met an angel."

Her hand lingers on my shoulder, I can tell she's disappointed that she doesn't remember the whole ordeal.

"I think," She starts, blushing, looking me in the eyes, "that you're the first boy I've ever kissed."

I smile widely at her comment, this girl makes me so happy.

 **AN: Hey guys ! I'm so sorry for how late this update is I was at Vidcon and it was SO MUCH FUN! I highly recommend it to anyone who loves youtube it's an amazing experience! I'm also thinking about making a channel what do you think?(: Anyways thanks for reading this and comment because i love reading your feedback you all are** **amazing!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 **Clary POV**

Three weeks have gone by with absolutely no progress and it's starting to get frustrating. In those two weeks though I feel like I've really bonded with the Lightwoods and caught up with Simon, they're and interesting group to say the least. I've gotten used to the institute but it's not the same as remembering. As much as my friends try to socialize and help me, I usually find myself alone in my room.

Don't get me wrong I'm extremely grateful for all they've done for me but I just need time to think, a lot of time. I'm sitting in my room, fresh out of the shower, when there's a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I say, even though I look unkempt with my wet hair drying in a bun on the top of my head and I'm in a pair of light jeans and a white tshirt. When the door opens I see Jace on the other side.

Out of the people who live in this institute, I've definitely become closest with Jace. Sure, he can be an asshole sometimes but he has good intentions. We haven't done anything else…kissing wise, since I woke up with him that morning. Unlike everyone else he doesn't push me to remember anything, which I really appreciate. Although I can tell at times he really wishes all of my memories would just come back.

"What's up Red?" He asks me, jumping onto my bed.

"Nothing much, drawing." I say, he lays down next to me and takes the sketchbook out of my hands.

"Hey!" I say, "If you didn't notice I was using that."

"Really? I had no idea." He says sarcastically, I laugh. "I've got to admit, this is high quality drawing. But it needs one thing."

He reaches over me to get a pencil from my side table and doodles over my drawing of a desert landscape. When he shows me I laugh out loud. There are five stick figures on the page.

"See? It's Alec right here, stuck on the cactus, because he's Alec. And the Izzy's right there under the umbrella with Simon laughing at Alec. I'm right here fighting off a duck and winning and you're right there swooning over how amazing of a fighter I am." He says proudly.

" So much better than the original." I say, making him laugh. Our banter continues until Isabelle appears at the door.

"Jace did you forget why mom told you to get Clary."

"No I just chose not to listen to her after she said 'Jace go get Clary'."

Izzy rolls her eyes "Clary this idiot forgot to mention that Luke is her to see you."

I notice Jace go stiff at the name and I look at him questioningly, Izzy doesn't look too pleased either.

"Who's Luke again?" I ask

Izzy and Jace share a smile, "Luke's just going to love hearing that." Jace says slyly to Izzy, she laughs which makes me even more confused.

I get up, following Izzy with Jace walking next to me. We enter the library and I see Maryse talking with Alec and a man who gave me the huge hug the first day I can to the institute. When I enter he immediately comes to me again and swoops me into a hug, it makes me uncomfortable; I may have known him but right now he's a stranger to me and I want him off of me.

"Hey Clare." He says gently, still holding my shoulders, "Do you remember me?" he looks hopeful.

"Weren't you here a couple of weeks ago?" I ask him.

He nods "Anything else?"

I shake my head and I watch his expression switch to frustration for a second, his eyes change into those of a werewolf, before he calms himself down.

"You're a werewolf?" I say half to myself.

"you're just as observant as I remember you!" He laughs loudly, he doesn't sound 100% stable, something traumatic must've happened in his life to make that so.

"Clary I'm here to take you home." I feel my eyes go wide, _home?_

"Lucian that was not apart of th-"

"I don't care." He snaps at Maryse, which I don't appreciate.

"Hey!" I say, getting his attention, "You don't talk to her like that."

I watch as Maryse's usually stoic expression changes into one of love and caring; happiness for a split second since I stood up for her. It's the least I can do.

He takes in a deep breath and pulls out a bundle of pictures from his back pocket. He hands then to me and I look at them. The first is of a happy looking toddler with finger paint all over her face, hands and shirt. The next on is of the same baby, grown up, maybe 6 now being pushed on a swing by a man, Luke. He looks a lot older now. As I examine the last picture there's a new person in it. The girl, who I assume is me, looks happy on Luke's shoulders, next to me is a woman I don't recognize at first until I feel a tug at the back of my head. Before any memory can come Jace yanks the pictures out of my hands.

"Luke you're in direct violation of our agreement, you're going to have to leave now." Alec says in an assertive tone.

"Not without her." He says stubbornly and angrily, "She's my daughter."

I gasp, all eyes turning to me " _What?_ "

"Step daughter." Jace corrects him

"Lucian! You've overstayed your welcome." Maryse says

"You haven't told her have you?" he laugh manically for a second, I feel Jace come closer to me.

"When she remembers we'll fill in the blanks. It's dangerous for her to remember everything at once. Now you need to leave or we'll be forced to take action."

He laughs gruffly again "You really think that'll stop me? She's mine through wedlock. You may have your nephilim laws but they don't trump basic child protective laws.

"Well then it's her choice." Alec says, he sounds like he already knows what my answer will be.

"Fine." Luke sounds pissed off, he takes my arms. I know If I answer incorrectly he could turn into a werewolf. Tons of negotiating lessons with Sebastian flood into my mind along with ways to take down a Werewolf.

"Clary you'll be so much happier with me. You don't need this life, you never did. You need a parent."

I think about this for a second, memories tug at the back of my mind until one comes flooding to the front.

 _A phone call after some freak accident, someone he loved…We both love, was taken. I'm begging for his help but he blows me off he wants nothing to do with me._

"I want to stay." I say, feeling disoriented from the memory.

"You don't mean that." He tells me sternly, " _You don't mean that Clarissa_!" He's shaking violently for a second as if waiting for another answer. When I don't give one his teeth turn into all canines and his eyes become yellow, I can't get out of his grasp.

"Ow!" I say when he tightens his hands around my arms.

I notice Jace and everyone else looking ready to take action.

"She wouldn't be proud you know." I say, barely even knowing what I'm talking about. "That lady in the picture, she was taken from you and you're still mourning."

He loosens his grip ever so slightly, his ears turn pointed and furry, I'm not sure if I can calm him down enough to stop from turning at this point.

"Luke you need some time to think before you do anything rash"

Another painful memory comes back to my mind, causing me to whimper.

 _An adorable little house, empty. I go up to one of the rooms to find it empty. I've been here before it was empty. Jace was in the house before, with a bandaged hand inspecting a cookie in the kitchen, I was angry at him at the time. But that's when I told him about how I could make portals._

 _I can still do that. You know how to Clary._

 _This house belonged to someone close to Luke and I. He would come here a lot when he was a shadowhunter. With his sister._

 _Amatis._

I open my eyes and look around, Jace looks concerned.

I feel crowded and I need to get out, the worst thing is I can't escape from my own mind. A tear escapes my watery eyes and I squirm out of Luke's hard grasp. I run out of the library and I feel myself being followed. I run outside to an area I've never explored in the institute, a garden. My hands work beside my mind's confusion as I take out my stele and draw on the wall.

 _You jumped Clary, He followed you. Into Lake Lynn where you saw Amatis. Jace was pissed that you followed him but you found Sebastian and you kissed him Clary. You've KISSED you're brother Clary-_

"STOP!" I scream, my hand is shaky as I drop my stele. I see everyone behind me, watching me.

"None of this makes sense!" I say to no one in particular.

"Clary let me-"

"No!" I snap at Luke, "I _needed_ you and you left me. I called you and you had said you wanted nothing to do with me. You're just like Se-"

There's a sharp slap to my face, "Don't you _dare_ say his name."

I'm shocked, wasn't this man telling me I was his daughter earlier.

Jace looks livid, Alec is holding him back which looks like it won't be for much longer.

"You need to leave." I say quietly, "Please."

Luke looks like he knows what he's done was extremely wrong, he looks guilty and sad before he turns away to go. I slide down the wall to sit down and think about what the hell just happened. Jace comes over to me.

"Look what you did." Izzy says, sounding happy.

I look over to see a portal where a wall once was, "Did I do that?" I ask incredulously, she nods.

On the other side I see Idris's Lake Lynn. It looks serene, beautiful.

"Clary, I'm so sorry." Maryse says, "I had no idea he would-"

"It's not you're fault, you didn't know." I say to her. "That was my dad?"

"Step dad." Alec says.

"So he was married to Jacqueline?" I ask, thinking about my mother.

They all exchange looks, they're hiding something. "Yeah." Maryse says.

"I remember," I say, they all look up, "falling into Lake Lynn. Something happened and I was left behind. I met… Amatis? But her house is so empty now. That was Luke's sister. Jace you were in the house, your hand was bandaged up and I showed you I could make those. I…I knew you."

I feel Jace lift me up easily and bring me into a hug, I'm extremely confused.

"Did you hear that? She remembered something with _me!_ Not you or you but me! Ha!" Jace says excitedly. I smile a little, happy that I made him happy.

I try my best to think positive but so much random information has been handed to me and I have no idea what to do with it.

"I think I'm going to lie down." I say shortly, the portal closes before I walk through the back door.

In my room I have no distractions from my mind, which is a blessing and a curse. That werewolf is my stepdad and I have no idea why he's so distraught and depressed. I've been to Idris, a place I had only heard my brother talk about _and_ Jace was there.

There's a knock on my door after I don't know how long, when I don't answer, Jace comes in.

"Hey Red." He says, coming over and sitting on my bed.

"Who was the lady in that picture with Luke and I?" I ask him, he looks like he doesn't know…or doesn't want to know, the answer to the question.

"Be honest." I say, not wanting him to lie.

"Just an ex girlfriend." He says coolly

"Oh." Why didn't I think of that? We're both silent for a while.

"What's on your mind?" He asks me.

"Maybe I should go with him." I say, I watch his head shoot up.

"What?" he says incredulously.

"I mean he suddenly comes along one day and I get a bunch of memories back. Maybe this could help me-"

"Clary he's unstable right now. He needs time to think over some things before he can be trusted with the Clave again."

I think over this for a second and understand, he doesn't want me to go, so I'll respect that. I lean my head on his chest, something I've been doing a lot lately, and watch as his hand snakes around my body. 

"I hate this." I say with bitterness in my voice, "I hate not remembering."

"Hey." He says, I look up at him, "It'll get better. You'll get better."

I finally meet his eyes to see that they're already looking at me, gold meeting green, they're beautiful.

"Promise?" I ask him, wanting so hard to believe him.

"Promise." He replies.

Then he kisses me.

His lips are so soft and familiar, I never know I miss his kiss until he kisses me again. I feel my hands wander up to his head and I start running my hands through his soft hair. Jace does the same, running his hand down my wild curls onto the small of my back, when he pulls me closer I let out a small gasp; I feel his smile on lips as he continues to kiss me. Feeling daring, I want to go further, I take the opportunity to lightly bite his lower lip. When Jace groans I know he was caught off guard, he pulls us down so he's propped up above me. God, this guy is an amazing kisser.

As he deepens the kiss I place my hands on his shoulders to try to keep my bones from turning to water. The world goes away for a while and it feels amazing.

Unfortunately it doesn't last long. My head decides to attack me in the middle of our passionate moment:

" _Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?"_

" _You know, when most girls say they want a big rock, they don't mean, you know, literally a big rock."_

" _Very amusing my sarcastic friend. It's not a rock, precisely. All Shadowhunters have a witchlight rune – stone."_

 _There's a picnic of food in front of us, we're in the greenhouse Jace showed you. Remember Clary?_

 _When it's midnight he shows me the most beautiful flower, then he kisses me._

Unlike any memory, this one makes me the happiest, I feel tears slide down my cheeks and I stop kissing Jace. He looks up at me for a second, his eyes still dazed until he sees my tears.

"Hey. What's wrong?" He says, looking concerned.

I sit myself up on the bed and look at this golden boy in a different light.

"The greenhouse." I say, my voice shaky, "You… you made a picnic and gave me a witchlight rune-stone. That was our first kiss."

He looks at me for a second, I watch his expression change from happiness to a look of love I don't think I've ever seen my own mother even give me. Before he can say anything I wrap him into a hug where I'm straddling my legs around his torso. He lets out a laugh and falls onto his back on my bed.

"I remember that!" I say, ecstatic.

"I know!" He says happily, "Two points for team good."

I laugh at how ridiculous his phrase is, before he grabs my hips and pulls me down for another kiss.

"Clary!" We both hear before my bedroom door slams open "dinner is re- oh! Hey there Jace." It's Izzy looking awkward as ever in the threshold of my door.

Jace and I untangle each other and then attempt to look non-chalant, at least I do.

"What do you want Izzy?" Jace asks her, sounding slightly annoyed by how she interrupted us.

"Mom made..um, mom made spaghetti, she wanted me to tell you dinner's ready but I can see you two are busy." She says, a smile in her voice, I feel my face getting redder.

Jace sighs, "We'll be right out Izzy."

"Alright, alright." Izzy says in surrender as she leaves but not before whispering, "Use a condom."

If my face wasn't red already it certainly is now, I'm completely dumbfounded on how to respond.

"What? She…I mean, we weren't going to… oh my god. No…she-"

"She was joking Clary." Jace says, putting my face in his hands.

I take a deep breath and dare to look in his eyes, they aren't sarcastic as I was expecting them to look, which is comforting.

"Besides, it not like we would use one." He says sarcastically, obviously trying to make me uncomfortable, instead I take advantage of it.

" It wouldn't be my first time." I say with a smirk I've adapted from spending so much time with Jace, I almost laugh out loud at how fast his expression changes. Before he can say anything I walk out.

"Wait, what? Clary! We're not done with this conversation." I hear him yell after me as I'm walking down the hallway until I feel hands turn me around.

"I was joking Jace." I say, putting my hands on his face like he did earlier.

"Ha-ha." He says dryly, however his face looks clearly relieved that I was kidding.

I giggle at his sarcasm and take his hand in mine, "Come on I'm hungry."

"Thank you Maryse, dinner was amazing." I say at the end of our meal, and I'm certainly not lying, she's an amazing cook.

"Anytime Clary. At least someone appreciates my cooking." She looks around at her children skeptically, waiting for them to say something.

Jace seems oblivious to this, so I kick his leg under the table hard.

"Ow." He whispers, I raise my eyebrows and point my head toward Maryse, "Oh! Maryse your cooking is 10,000 times better than Izzy's… and I appreciate that."

"Hey!" Izzy says, "My cooking isn't that bad."

"Iz, you gave Church food poisoning yesterday." Alec says, proving a point.

"Beside the point." Maryse says before a fight can break out, "You all have a demon raid you need to train for, we think there are leads toward Sebastian at the location."

My heart squeezes painfully at my brother's name. _Choke it down Clary, he doesn't want you._ I feel Jace's hand find mine under the table, which brings me back.

"Where are we going?" Alec asks, looking eager for a fight.

"The outskirts of the city, Luke's old house."

 **Jace POV**

Oh hell no.

 **AN: Did Jace lie to Clary? Will Clary go to where this story began? Will Jace let her? So many questions to be answered!**

 **Anyways I hope you all liked this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it and I'm excited to write the next two chapters, which is where shit really goes down!**

 **Comment what you think about this fanfic, I absolutely love hearing you're feedback it really makes my day because you all are amazing, beautiful people!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 **Clary POV**

 **AN: JUST TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION JACQUELINE IS THE PERSON POSING TO BE SEBASTIAN AND CLARY'S MOTHER!(:**

"She is _not_ going with us." I hear Jace say across the hallway in his room, he's been fighting me coming with them since last night at dinner. I've decided to stay out of it all day today… for now.

"Jace you can't just decide for her. If she wants to come, then she can come with us. I mean you've seen what she can do this past month, she's perfectly capable and always has been. What are you so afraid of?"

There's a pause in his conversation with Izzy, Alec and Maryse.

"Nothing it's just… nothing just forget about it." He suddenly sounds exhausted.

Seeming as though the conversation is over, I go back to my spot on the windowsill and continue to draw the New York skyline. My door suddenly opens and I don't have to look to see who comes in.

"Hey Clary." Izzy says, her and Alec coming to sit on my bed, I notice Jace leaning on the threshold of the door.

"Hey, " I say simply.

"So you may or may not have heard us." Alec starts awkwardly, "You may not remember but we've all been through a ton of demon raids and fights together. I mean you've probably saved all of our lives more than once. Anyway, The house we're raiding tomorrow, you used to live there."

"Yeah?" I say, I can tell he's trying to leave out parts of the story.

" We wanted to leave it to you, I mean it would be great having the whole team back together."

I smile at Alec, "Yeah I'd love to go, I mean it's just like any other demon raid though, right?"

I watch them look at each other, what are they hiding?

"is there something I'm not getting?"

"We all haven't been to that house in almost a year," Jace speaks up, "We're not sure what to expect going in."

"Can't we just scope it out tonight, like now?" I ask.

Izzy and Alec look at each other, "She's not wrong." Alec says

"Yeah but if we're seen we'll blow our cover. They'll expect us there." Izzy thinks, "We'll just have to see tomorrow."

"Okay." Alec says, clapping his hands together, "Good talk." He says before getting up to leave with Izzy.

I go back to drawing, thinking everyone has left. That is, until I feel Jace lift me up and set me on his lap so we're both comfortable lounging on the windowsill.

"Hey," I say to him as he rest his head on my shoulder and watch me draw.

"You're amazing." He says, looking at my half finished sketch, I blush.

"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself." I say, pointing to the stick figure drawing on my bedside table, his small chuckle warms my heart.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks me seriously.

"Why wouldn't I?"

" I just don't want you going home to…"

"Have me remember too much? It's okay I'm excited, I can handle it. It can't be that bad, right?"

He doesn't answer me.

"Right?" I ask again.

"Just please promise me you'll be careful." He asks me.

"Always am." I say, trying to reassure him.

"Seriously." He says.

"Okay, okay. I promise." I say, getting closer to him.

"Thank you." He says, before closing the space between us and kissing me.

"Just don't expect me to stand by if a Ravenor is chewing your leg off."

He rolls his eyes and gives me another quick peck on the lips, I sink into Jace's chest as we both look out the window.

"Did you know my mother?" I ask him, the question seems to catch him off guard by how he tenses up.

"Jacqueline?" He says coolly, I nod. "No, I'm afraid I haven't"

"You're lucky." I whisper bitterly, "You're mom is actually the sweetest lady alive."

"Don't say that." He says, rubbing my arms.

"I'm serious, she's so kind. She treats me like more of a daughter than Jacqueline ever did." I think longingly.

"Maryse isn't my real mother you know. My real one died in childbirth having me." He says.

I look up at him, feeling terrible, "Oh my god, Jace. Look at me, having minor issues with my parent. I'm so inconsiderate I'm so sorry-"

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Clary. None of this was your fault." He says, and I have a feeling he's not talking about only our parents.

I decide to end the conversation by laying my head back down on his chest, I have no idea what the big deal is about the demon raid but I'm excited. It's been about a week since we last even fought a demon.

I must've dozed off, eventually I feel myself being lifted onto my bed, except Jace doesn't get on it with me.

"Stay." I plead, grabbing his arm, "Please, don't leave me."

I feel him lie down next to me after that and plant a light kiss on my forehead, "I wouldn't even think about it."

As I doze off to sleep my subconscious takes over like it usually does, showing me memories I've seized to remember and then forget them the next morning. Tonight it's a letter written by Jace, one line sticks out unlike any other.

"As long as I can dream, I will dream of you." I mumble to myself.

I feel Jace sit up next to me when I talk, I feel him shake me lightly to wake me up but I'm already too far gone.

The next morning I'm pleased to wake up to see Jace next to me, I'm frustrated by the sound of my alarm going off on my bedside table.

"Turn that bloody thing off." I hear Jace mumble next to me.

I happily oblige by slamming my hand on the snooze button.

"Morning goldilocks." I say, moving a stray hair out of his face, "Ready to go hunt some demons?"

"Five more minutes." He says playfully shielding his eyes, I giggle and lie back down next to him. "It's only 5:30, can't the demons go out for coffee and come back later."

"Demons don't do coffee, Jace. They prefer human souls." I watch as Jace's face cracks into a smile at my joke. "Now I'm going to shower and when I come out you better be out of this bed."

I begrudgingly get out of bed and walk over to my shower before he can say anything else.

15 minutes later I'm all clean and dressed in black skinny jeans and black tank top covered by a leather jacket. I brush out my hair as best I can and then leave the bathroom to put on my combat boots. When I enter my room again Jace is already there dresses similarly to me in his gear, which makes his golden hair and skin even more beautiful.

He's not wearing a jacket right now, just his black tshirt while he places runes up and down his arms. I watch in fascination as I put my boots on and proceed to do the same thing to my skin until my arms are covered in runes.

I get up silently to collect some weapons before I feel hands grab my waist.

"Are you sure you want to do this." Jace asks me seriously.

"Yes." I say simply, not sure how else to reassure him.

He touches his forehead to mine and closes his eyes, I do the same.

"Jace why are you so against me going? Don't lie to me."

He silent for so long I don't think he's going to answer me, "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"A little demon ichor has never killed anybody. Besides, there's this guy that I really, really like that I know will help me if I get caught up with too many demons."

"Who's this guy so I can kick his ass?" He asks me playfully.

"It's you silly!" I giggle before giving him a peck on the lips before grabbing his hand to follow me to the weapons room where Izzy, Alec, and Simon are already packing up their stuff.

"Hey guys." I say, going to the wall filled with daggers and seraph blades, my two weapons of choice. There is a chorus of hellos as we all sharpen our tools and fill up our backpacks and gear belts.

"Today won't be terrible." Alec says as we're all finishing up, "Maryse says there's just 8 Dahak demons who the clave believe were summoned by Sebastian which either means he's waiting for us there or he's testing us. Either way stay alert and be prepared."

Before leaving the institute we each take a granola bar and glamour ourselves to move quicker through the streets. We decide on taking the subway, unnoticed of course, to get there faster and to be surrounded by regular mundanes to help shield our scent.

It's a long ride from Manhattan to the outskirts of the city, the suburban part, which gives us all time to think. I choose to people watch, I've always found it fascinating how humans interact with themselves or each other. Eventually I find myself lost in the lives of others.

"Clary." I hear Simon say after I have no idea how long, "We're here."

I look up at Simon and get off the subway with everyone else. Our conversation is easy and playful until we near what I assume is my old house. We prepare ourselves by taking out our weapons, I place two daggers in either hand.

We open the door, I have no time to look around before my first Dahak bombards me. While these demons are pretty unintelligent, they can be very aggressive. I flip over the demon to have more space around me.

"Clary! Behind." I hear Izzy say. I spare a look behind me to see a second Dahak coming my way. I use my momentum to jump on the first demons back and stab him square in the skull. The second one runs at me and manages to cut me with on of its claws, damn that hurts.

I ignore the pain for now and take the demon's moment of distraction to stab it in the heart. It screeches in pain and disappears. As I take a second to breathe I look around the area of the house we're in, a living room with a kitchen connected. It seems so familiar and I'm hit with a sense of déjà vu.

My mind is pushing for me to remember things, it's at the tip of my tongue and is leaving my with a huge headache and I feel disoriented.

 _You lived here Clary. Your room is upstairs._

I walk up the stairs, half in a daze, and enter my room. While it's filled with stuff, it feels empty somehow.

I assume it hasn't been touched since the last time I came here. My bed is only half made, there's a sketchbook left on the covers and some clothes strewn on my desk chair. I go to look in the bathroom until the door swings open, I scramble back, but not before the final Dahak takes a swing at my ankle, again Ouch!

I try my best to regain a focused state of mind but I'm distracted.

 _Look in the closet, those are your clothes. Your book bag is still there from when you went to school._

I went to school? I narrowly miss the demon almost swiping my head off. Focus Clarrissa! Through the headache and slight confusion I kick the demon back against my bedroom wall and stab it straight in the heart.

I sit down for a second, breathing heavily as the demon disappears.

 _You have a ton of sketchbooks in your desk drawers. And pictures of you and Simon and Jace an-_

"Clary, Are you okay?" Alec's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

I look up at him with unfocused eyes, he looks slightly worried.

"Yeah, I'm good. I was looking around and a demon popped out of the bathroom."

He nods, "That was probably the eighth one." He says, half to himself, "Would you, um, like to look around?"

I nod, happy that he's offering that.

"Okay, we'll be downstairs to show you around if you need us." He says awkwardly before leaving.

I sit on my bed for a second longer before intending to get up and g downstairs. As I stand up, vertigo hits me hard.

 _NO! Stay here where it's happy! You don't need to go downstairs._

My headache worsens as my mind attempts to bring back memories in this room, they're happy, but I still want to go downstairs.

I take each step slowly as I get to the last step the memories turn sad and angry, it weighs me down until I see something in the living room I'll never be able to unsee.

It's horrifying.

 **AN: OMG! Is Clary remembering the day she found her mother?! I guess you all will have to find out in the next chapter(: Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter, as always I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm excited for you guys to see what happens next!**

 **Comment what you think about this story I love reading your feedback because you all are amazing human beings!**

 **PLUS! I want to know who reads my fanfics!**

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 **Twitter: erin_griffith23**

 **And comment that you've read my stories!**

 **Love you all!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 **Clary POV**

As I find myself in the living room I see Jace, Izzy, Simon and Alec talking. That sight goes away almost immediately and changes to the most horrifying scene I've ever seen in my life.

A woman lies in the middle of the room, she's bleeding from her chest profusely. She has green eyes, like mine, staring blankly at nothing. She has red hair, like mine, partially matted down from blood. Luke is over the lady looking distraught. If this is his ex girlfriend that Jace told me about, where do I fit in.

 _You're so stupid Clarissa, this is your mother. Sebastian's mom also, but Sebastian killed her, got rid of her. Don't you remember her?_

I think hard, memories of my mother coming back to me in painful waves.

 _She kept you safe her entire life, she kept you from being corrupted from your evil father._

"Clary!" I feel Jace shaking me, guiding me toward the dead lady he can't see.

"NO!" I screech, I pull myself away from him and back up as far away from my dead mother as I can until I hit a wall. I'm sucked back into my memories.

 _Sure she was overprotective at times, but you were her only child. Sebastian had already been taken away from her. Well, I guess not for much longer, you were going to be an older sister Clary._

I feel another scream bubble up inside me but I choke it down with more sobs.

 _You called Jace first, you fought of multiple demons to keep your dead mother safe. What was the point of that Clarissa? She was already DEAD. You know what that makes you? An orphan. You have no family in this world any longer._

"Oh my god!" I yell to know on in particular.

I open my eyes again, my mother is gone. I'm left with an overwhelming grief, I feel so incredibly empty. I feel myself sobbing but no sound is coming out. Tears are streaming down my face but I hardly feel it. I pull my knees to my body and try my best to calm my breathing down.

Suddenly there's a hand on my back, I flinch and look up to see Jace.

"You never told me that was my mother." I say, my voice shaking violently when I say the next part, "Or my little sister."

This seems to take everyone in the room by shock. I hear Izzy gasp, Simon wraps her into a hug. I close the space between Jace and I and sob into his jacket. I barely register him plant a kiss on the top of my head.

"Well I warned you didn't I?" Another voice enters the room, I don't have to look up to know who it is. "Clarissa did I fucking stutter when I told you to stay where I left you?"

I'm so incredibly numb to everything happening around me that I don't even answer him.

"Clarissa!" He yells at me, causing me to flinch, Jace is still holding me.

"Hey!" Jace yells back at him, "You don't talk to her like that. You got that dipshit?"

There's a pause, which means to me Sebastian is petty taken aback.

" That's my sister Herondale."

"No your not, because a real sibling wouldn't cause their sister this much pain. Now tell me one reason as to why I shouldn't kill you right now."

"Because I'm a projected picture and Clarissa would be incredibly distraught over that. Am I right sister?"

When I don't answer him I can feel the tension build, "Jesus Clarissa you're bleeding on the carpet. Now use your words or mother won't be too pleased to hear you've become mute."

" _My_ mother's dead because of you." I say lowly, the look on his face is priceless.

" Do you need another dose of your medication? I think you're hallucinating Clari-"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAW!" I snap at him, fresh tears leaking from my eyes, "Cut the bullshit Seb, all you do is lie and look where it's gotten you. You killed your own _mother_."

"That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble. Besides that bitch deserved it, now come with me we're leaving."

"She's not going anywhere with you." Jace says, standing up to block me.

"Oh how noble of you." Sebastian says, leaning on the wall across from us, "Clarissa, don't make me come over there."

"Fuck off." I mutter through my muddled mind.

I suddenly feel myself being yanked up by my injured arm, with Sebastian's lightning speed I'm on the other side of the room with him, if it weren't for Sebastian (painfully) holding me up, I'd be on the ground right now.

"What the fuck did you say?" he whispers through gritted teeth, I can tell how hard he trying to control his anger.

Now that he's this close to me my words suddenly get choked up in my throat.

"Sebastian let her go right now or I swear-" Jace sounds livid

"You swear what? You can't do anything to me, I can only touch you all."

"Are you too much of a coward to come and actually face us?" Jace scoffs, clearly poking his nerves.

"You shut the hell up." Sebastian blows him off, "As for you, I think it's time you had a taste of your own medicine." I watch as he pulls out a vial he would give me every blue moon and sticks it in my mouth. I gag and choke on it, not wanting it to go down. He drops me and I fall onto a heap on the ground, dry heaving.

I watch through blurry eyes as Jace runs up to tackle my brother, He hits a wall, not being able to touch him, and Sebastian disappears without another word.

I jump up with my last bit of energy and run to the bathroom upstairs and begin to throw up all of the contents in my stomach, I barely register someone pulling my hair back as I do so.

When I finish I groggily get up to use mouthwash to rid my mouth of the foul taste. I lean heavily on the wall behind me as I watch my friends in front of me talk in hushed voices. Jace's infuriated face stands out.

I'm exhausted, all I want to do is sleep. Closing my eyes now wouldn't hurt, right? I feel myself slipping down the wall until a hand grabs my injured arms, my eyes shoot open as I inhale sharply.

"Simon!" I hear them all yell at the same time.

"I'm _sorry_!" He says back defensively, while helping me sit down.

I close my eyes, my body drained from so much grief and pain; I just want to die.

I wince again when I feel the heat of a stele on my bare arm.

"Hey it's okay." Jace say gently, drawing an _iratze_ on my arm.

I try to reply but I end up shivering, I watch Izzy put a hand on my skin, "Jace her body temperature is way down."

Jace touches my cheek and immediately takes his own gear jacket off and drapes it over me, I snuggle into it, feeling comfort in it.

Alec enters the room from wherever he came from.

"We need to go." Alec says, slightly urgent, "Sebastian doesn't just leave like that, he's going to be back."

"That's impossible," I mumble, "If he's projecting himself from the Brooklyn institute-" I cough, "It's too far for him to broadcast himself from that far without me drawing the rune. He'll send his idiot sidekicks, maybe some demons."

They look at each other, looking slightly surprised I know all this but what can I say, I've lived with him. I go into another coughing fit, shivering even harder.

"Can you walk Clary?" Simon asks me. I feel so weak, but I'm not about to give up.

Slowly, I use the wall to help myself up, I stand leaning heavily on the wall. Walking… well we'll see.

"I'll go ahead, make sure nothing is still lurking in the kitchen."

"Be careful." Jace tells his parabatai and turns his attention to me. I don't look at him in the eyes in fear of bursting into tears. I limp out of the bathroom, my head and heart heavy, and go downstairs. A couple of times I almost fall but Jace is there to keep me upright, I know I need him now more than ever.

As we make it downstairs, I can tell it's a terrible idea. Alec comes sprinting toward us.

" _Go back upstai-"_ is all I hear him yell before I'm thrown into the wall on the far side of the living room.

In front of me are two disgusting demons, large and feral looking.

I'm really not in the mood for this, I can barely stand on my own let alone fight off at least 12 demons in my living room.

But alas, you gotta do what you gotta do. I muster up all the energy left in me and kick the demon square in the stomach, sending him and the one behind him on the ground I take the chance to jump on top of the two of them and spear a dagger through the two of them.

I feel disoriented standing on my feet, dizzy. Jace is taking on three demons at the moment, he's so preoccupied that he doesn't notice the one about to deliver a fatal blow right behind him.

" _JACE!_ " I scream without thinking, I flip over the coffee table and use the momentum to block Jace and slice through the demon, but not before it's claw slices down my side all the way down to the bottom of my calf.

The demon disappears with a screech. Jace swiftly decapitates the other three demons in one graceful movement. Before falling onto the ground next to me.

The fight around me is coming to an end. Izzy and Simon each take on a demon while Alec looks ready to deliver a final blow to another.

"Oh Clary." Jace says, looking at the blood pooling and then dripping down my wound.

"Is this the part where you start ripping off parts of your shirt to bind my wounds?" I whisper shakily, the world is swimming around me.

He looks at me, if I'm not mistaken there are tears… _tears_ in Jace's eyes.

"It hurts Jace." I say, feeling my own tears pool in my eyes, it all hurts so bad.

"I know baby." He says, moving some stray hairs from my face.

"Am I going to die?" I ask him through a confused mind.

"Don't say that." He says, sounding like he's trying to convince himself. He takes out his stele and begins to draw _iratzes_ all up and down my arms. I feel my wounds healing but then it all of a sudden stops.

"Why did it stop?!" Jace almost yells, drawing more _iratzes_ as blood continues to leave my body.

I want to reassure him, tell him it's okay, but when I open my mouth a fit of coughs rack my body. I cover my mouth and when I stop I look at my hand to see my own blood staining it. I whimper pathetically and let my head fall back.

" _ALEC!_ Get Magnus now!" He yells across the room.

Without asking, Alec pulls out his phone. I can't make out what he's saying, what anyone is saying. Jace is looking directly at me but It's as if I'm underwater; drowning. Tears leak out of my eyes and down my face.

"I.. I can't…" I say in a small voice.

"Shhh." Jace says reassuringly, "It's okay."

"Can you hold me?" I ask him, feeling scared. He gently lifts me up and I rest my head on his chest where I feel his heart pounding, it lulls me to sleep.

"Clary." Jace says, shaking me, "You can't fall asleep yet, baby."

I try, I really do. But the day's events mixed with the blood loss is too much and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

"Jace, she's falling asleep." I hear Izzy say after a while, keeping my eyes closed.

"Clary, please. Stay awake for me." He begs with me, I only moan and snuggle further into him.

"Where's Magnus?" Jace asks impatiently.

"Right here." Another Flamboyant voice enters the conversation, "Now what seems to be the problem?"

"Do you not see the girl dying in front of us?" I feel Jace flinch, so I really am dying?

"what did you do to this poor child?!" Magnus says, I feel myself being handed over. I have no more energy to fight it.

"She saved my life." Jace says, sounding mad, guilty.

"Still a reckless as ever. Selfless. Don't ever let go of this one." Magnus says.

"I don't plan on it." Jace says. "Now help her."

"She's been poisoned." Magnus says, "We need to get to the institute immediately. I have no idea what happened but this isn't a demon venom, it's… oh god."

"What?" Alec says, sounding urgent.

"No talking now, we need to get her to the institute in soon or this _will_ kill her."

Lastly, there's a portal I feel myself falling through and then nothing.

The following hours are hell on earth.

 **AN: Hey guys! I really hope you all liked this chapter. I have no idea why it took so long to write, School is in a couple days so I guess I've been preparing for that!**

 **As always comment what you think on this chapter I love reading your feedback because you all are amazing people!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **Clary POV**

The following hours are hell on earth.

How is it possible for so much pain to last for so long? I hear myself scream from time to time but I feel distant, like an out of body experience.

The worst thing is I have no idea what's happening around me. My eyes wont let me open them and my ears seize to hear anything. Every sudden pain in my body is unexpected and it terrifies me. Why can't I just sleep? Haven't I been through enough today?

 **Jace POV**

How is it possible for so much pain to last for so long? Not two minutes after getting her to the infirmary Magnus kicked me out, I had to be pulled out by Alec because I sure as hell wasn't leaving without a fight.

She screams, she cries and it hurts that I have no idea what's causing that pain but knowing it is partially my fault. God Jace if you would've been paying attention to what was going on behind you Clary wouldn't be in this position.

" _AHHHHHHH!_ " I hear again from inside the infirmary, believe me I've tried to run in but Magnus locked the door somehow.

I sink down onto the ground and put my hands. Why does she have to be so selfless? So stubborn?

"Jace you've been sitting here for hours. Clary will be here when you go shower and eat something." Izzy stops where I'm sitting.

I'm about to reject her offer but she has the same look on her face our mother has when she doesn't take no for an answer. I sigh and stand up, walking to my room, I'm still in my gear stained with blood and ichor and sweat, a shower would help.

"She'll be okay Jace, she's a fighter." Izzy says as I enter my room, I offer her a small smile before closing my door.

15 minutes later I'm in the same position I was for the past 5 ½ hours, except now I have clean clothes on and an uneaten apple in my hand. I'm inspecting the piece of fruit in my hand when Izzy smoothly passes by me and opens the infirmary door.

"Izzy what the hell?" I ask her, standing up.

"Oh don't worry you still can't come in, Magnus put a blocking spell on the door for you."

I lean on the wall, frustrated.

"Why are you allowed to go in?"

"Because I'm bringing her fresh clothes." She says, holding up some clothing.

"She's awake?" I ask, my heart pounding.

"No, Magnus says she's stable enough to get cleaned up. So he's going to use his "Zappy-Zappy Magic" to get her cleaned up."

Without saying anything else she goes inside. Not 5 minutes later she comes back out.

"How does she look?" I ask, immediately as she closes the door.

"She's sleeping, she's going to be fine Jace." Izzy leaves it at that before going to her room.

I'm able to breathe for a second, she's okay. But when can I see her?

A couple of hours later Alec is my next visitor in the hallway.

"Hey." He says simply, sitting down next to me.

"Hey." I say, lost in my own thoughts, "What are you doing here?"

"Magnus should be out any minute so I'm waiting for him to order dinner."

I don't say anything, "He also said you can go see Clary when he comes out."

I look up at him as if asking if he's serious, when he confirms it the anticipation is killing me. It doesn't take long though, minutes later Magnus exits the closed door and I almost run in until Magnus grabs my shoulder.

"She's still incredibly weak." He says seriously, "Whatever Sebastian gave her, it was _way_ to much and was minutes away from killing her. Don't wake her and don't make me regret letting you in there"

I nod at him, listening intently, "Thank you so much Magnus."

I walk in quietly and see my angel sleeping peacefully on a bed. I walk over to her, she's now wearing a dark blue tshirt and a pair of leggings. Her right ankle is wrapped in gauze. She looks paler than usual, if I wasn't told otherwise or didn't notice the way her stomach moves up and down from breathing I would've thought she was dead.

There's so much I want to say to her but for now I'm content with just being able to be close to her, to protect her.

I examine her closely, most of her wounds have vanished aside from the ones I can't see on her leg and stomach. I look at the clock on the table next to me to see it's already past midnight. _Really? I've been sitting for that long?_

The strain of the day finally builds on me and I yawn. Content on Clary's condition I feel like I can finally sleep, there's no way in hell I'm leaving her. So I get comfortable in the chair I'm sitting in and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 **Clary POV**

What time is it? What day is it? Am I even alive?

I was finally able to sleep after what's felt like years of excruciating pain, yet I'm still exhausted. That must mean I'm still alive right?

 _Open your eyes and find out Clarissa_.

I listen to my conscious and cautiously open my eyes, something I haven't been able to do in forever.

I'm no longer in my gear, Instead a pair of leggings and a slouchy dark blue tshirt. I notice my right ankle is wrapped up, I hesitantly move it and pain shoots through my ankle.

Note to self: don't do that again.

Also, I no longer smell like sweat and disgustingness, which is another plus.

I lay back down, tired from the simple task of propping myself on my elbows and lay on my side, it's still sore but it's manageable.

That's when I notice Jace. He's asleep in the uncomfortable looking chair, this boy can sleep anywhere, I smile to myself. He's wearing jeans and a white tshirt. His mouth is slightly parted like it always is when he sleeps and there's a stray piece of his golden hair that fallen onto his face.

I try to go back to sleep with that image in my head until another rush of pain shots through me when I put too much weight on my hurt ankle. I whimper loudly…too loudly, I wake up Jace.

"Hey." He says gently, his voice thick with sleep, "What hurts?"

He comes over to me and I show him my ankle.

"Ah, you must've hurt it pretty bad if an _iratze_ doesn't fix it. But you know something that helps with the pain?" He asks me.

I look at him

"A kiss." He says playfully, trying to make me feel better.

It does help, I don't think about anything as he deeply kisses me on the lips.

"Did that help?" He whispers, I nod, smiling.

He smiles back at me, it warms my heart, fills the emptiness.

"Are you okay?" I ask him. Looking him up and down for any wounds.

He looks at me incredulously, "You're asking _me_? I should be asking you."

"Maybe I don't want you to ask me, because we both already know the answer." I say, reliving the past events.

"Jace Lightwood! I specifically told you _not_ to wake up Clarissa!" he says, exasperated.

"I didn't!" he replies defensively, "She woke up on her own."

He looks at me, with an eyebrow raised but chooses not to question it further.

"How are you feeling duckling?" He asks me, walking over to check over me.

"In pain." I say simply, I watch Jace's face change.

"Well honeybun, you still need to rest, you heal fastest then."

I think over this for a second and slowly slide down the infirmary bed, "Well then I'm going to my room, I hate the infirmary, it's too sterile."

I fall back on the bed when I put pressure on my ankle, do I not learn from my mistakes?

"Clary you're still incredibly weak, it's a miracle you're already awake. You can't walk yet. Even when you get better you'll need crutches for a while. Sorry, babe."

I sigh, feeling defeated. Jace, however, effortlessly swoops me up into his arms.

"Where to?" He asks me, as if he's a taxi driver.

"It's pretty easy. You see, you go down this long hallway and then make a left at the third to last door." I say sarcastically.

Jace starts with us both out the door, "Thank you Magnus, seriously, I appreciate it."

"Anything for you doll face, I'll be back to check on you later."

When we make it to my room Jace gently places me on my bed and gets in next to me, I automatically wrap myself around him.

"Sleep, you need your rest." He whispers while rubbing my back.

"No." I say without looking at him.

"Why not?" I can feel his eyes looking at me.

"I'm scared." I say, burying my face in his shirt, he smells like the soap he uses all the time, lemon and black pepper, it's familiar and I like it. Jace ever so slightly tightens his arm around my waist protectively.

"Of what?"

"The nightmares." I finally look at him, "they hurt."

He seems at a loss for words for a second, "What hurts so much about them?"

Fresh tears prickle at the back of my eyes, my voice is shaky, "All I see is my mother Jace, I remember her. Every time she tucked me in, Every bed time story every trip to the art store every time we would paint together. When she told me she was pregnant months ago."

The tears leak out of my eyes.

"I don't have anyone. I'm an orphan, I have no family anymore." Or at least no one I remember, but I don't say that out loud.

"Hey," Jace says, wiping the tears away, "That's not true. I'll be you're family. Alec and Izzy and Simon and Magnus and Maryse. We'll be your family."

"It hurts." I say, "You promised it would get better. Does it ever?"

"It does. You still hurt from time to time, but you learn to live with it."

I try hard not to cry but it's inevitable. "Aw Clary, I want to see you happy again."

He rubs my back soothingly as I allow myself to mourn for a minute more.

"I guess as long as I'm letting all of my secrets out, why not stop now?" I laugh humorlessly.

I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep or maybe I just really trust Jace, maybe I always have, but I can't stop the words from coming out now.

"What do you mean?" He looks at me.

I scoot further away from Jace and lay on my back, taking a deep breath in. Am I really going to do this?

"Clary you can tell me anything." He say sincerely, and it fills my heart with so much love a single tear slips down my cheek.

"I've never had a boyfriend before." I start, "And if anything I wish Sebastian were a girl. Maybe that would've made living with him easier, but I guess you can't live in the past. You have to forget, forgive or come to terms with it and move on. So this is me moving on Jace."

My voice is shaking and Jace looks confused.

"I always thought it would be different, special." I choose my words carefully, "My first time."

I feel Jace go stiff next to me, I'm breathing heavily now that I'm reliving the past.

"You said you've never had a boyfriend as far as you can remember." He says slowly, letting my words sink in.

I close my eyes tightly and nod. When I open them again Jace is standing, his back towards me and his hands in tight fists.

"Jace?" I whisper cautiously.

"He fucking _touched you?_ " His voice is tight, livid. Beyond livid.

I don't answer and when he looks at me he looks infuriated. He punches my wall, making such a huge song I jump.

" _I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! MURDER HIM, BURN HIM TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL WHERE HE FUCKING BELONGS"_

I've never seen this side of Jace, or at least I don't remember it, and it scares me.

My attention goes to my door, which swings open, I see Alec and Magnus come in, confused as to what has just gone down.

Jace's eyes are still blazing as he looks at Magnus and Alec, then to the whole in the wall and finally to my scared expression, before walking out of the room, the two guys follow.

I hate crying. It makes your face all bloated and leaves me with terrible headaches after, which probably explains how I find my self on the ground, from crying…again.

I'm unable to stand up or move from my current position. Maybe Magnus is right, I do need to rest. With nothing better to do, I curl up and submerge myself into my subconscious. Allowing the nightmares I've been trying so hard to avoid envelope me.

 **AN: Hey Guys I hope you like this chapter, at my school and where I live you hear a lot about rape and teens getting pregnant. It's really sad that this subject has come really close to home with me, and if your suffering from something that has happened to you in the past, or have a hard time dealing with it or have no one to talk to, TALK TO ME, message me do whatever to get my attention because RAPE IS NOT FUNNY. Everyone deserves a happy full life, a friend to talk to. So don't be afraid to speak up because you are all beautiful amazing people who deserve their best chance! I love you all and don't forget that.**

 **R & R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**

 **(Next chapter will hopefully be up soon.)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 **Clary POV**

When I wake up from my (thankfully) dreamless sleep, I'm back in my bed. It's dark outside now. My headache has subsided to a dull throb and I feel a miniscule better than I had earlier. I stir in my bed, prepared to go back to sleep until I feel my back hit a wall of muscle.

I turn to see Jace looking at me through half lidded eyes. He looks tired, I touch his cheek lightly.

"I'm sorry." Is the first thing Jace says, he sounds sincere.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"No." He says urgently, "You trusted me enough to tell me that information and I blew up. I just hate Sebastian and I lo-…. I really care about you."

I look up at him, my heart skipping a beat.

"Am I the same as I was before this all happened?" I ask him.

He looks up at me, not expecting that reply, "Minus a few forgotten memories, you haven't changed a bit."

I smile a little at that, "Well Jace Lightwood, in that case, I'm pretty sure that I'm kind of , sort of, really in love with you."

He looks up at me, eyes slightly widened and face the look of pure joy. God, so many emotions between the two of us today.

"I'm sorry. Could you say that again? I'm not sure I heard you." He teases.

I giggle, "Jace Lightwood, I'm in love with you. You know he's blond, tall, can be kind of annoying sometimes. I wonder if that's even his natural hair color."

"Hey!" He laughs, "These beautiful locks are 100% grown by Jace."

I laugh and Jace runs his hand down my hair, going back into serious mode.

"Clarissa Fairchild I have, do, and always will love you with all of my heart."

I feel as though my heart is going to burst from the words that have just come from his mouth. I move closer to his body as he envelopes me in a hug.

"I feel so broken, how could you still want me after all of this?" I ask him honestly.

"We're all a little broken." He says, kissing the top of my head, "I'm just lucky I found you so you can help put me back together, and I can help fix you."

"Could you tell me another story about us?" I ask him.

I can tell he thinks for a second.

"A little over a year ago, there was a party for Luke and your mother's engagement." He says slowly, weighing out my reaction.

I look up at him, _no more tears Clarissa_.

"It's a long story, I was possessed by some demon at the time." He chuckles darkly,

"But I saw you at the party, and for a second I snapped out of it. I remember thinking, 'Wow. That is the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen in my life.' I remember you had on this gold dress, you're hair looked like flames setting it on fire. Before the demon took over my body again I remember thinking last, 'How did I ever get so lucky?"

I can see his distant eyes reliving that day, I wish I could crawl into his mind and remember it too.

"I could say the same thing." I say, he looks down at me, smiling.

"You look exhausted, sleep." He says, rubbing my back again.

"I've hardly done anything all day." I yawn, he laughs as he proves his point.

"Well you need to rest to heal, Magnus said." He kisses my forehead lightly, "Besides, I'm not leaving until you're sound asleep."

"Don't leave me." I say, suddenly scared by the thought of being alone, "please."

"I'll be right here." He whispers as I close my eyes, "Any nightmares you have I'll fight them."

"How?" I say drowsily.

"With my bare hands of course. They've got nothing on me." He jokes, I smile already halfway out of it.

"Sleep easy, Clary." Is the last thing I hear him say before I'm sucked back into unconsciousness.

I wake up yet again the next morning feeling disoriented. Light is filtering into my room and when I look at my clock I bolt up and immediately regret it.

It's 10:30 in the morning and, as a shadowhunter, you've already missed a lot. The day starts at 6, 7 at the latest.

"Morning." Jace says with sleep coating his voice.

"Jace it's 10:30." I say.

"I'm aware of this." He says, closing his eyes again.

"So, shouldn't we be training right now?"

"No." He answers simply.

"Why not?"

"In case you've forgotten, you're in no condition to train right now. And as your nurse it is my duty to get you better. Also, I went for a run while you were still sleeping."

I scrunch my nose, "And you got back in my bed all sweaty?"

"Yeah." He says sarcastically before rolling over and grabbing me, gross.

"Ew!" I giggle as he rolls on top of me.

"Don't worry red, I showered." He says.

"Good, or else I would've had to kick you out." I smile at him.

" _Me?_ How dare you even fathom the thought of kicking out the most amazing, skilled, talented nurse/ boyfriend the world has ever seen." He acts shocked which makes me laugh.

" I think I've seen more talented nurses than you." I say.

"Hmm has a nurse ever done this?" He asks me before coming down to kiss me on the lips.

It's nice, I can feel the smile playing on his lips when I say, "No. I can honestly say a nurse has never done that before."

I love how kissing him makes the whole world disappear, he's really good at doing that. However I'm brought back to reality when a sharp pain shoots up my side.

"Ah!" I almost want to scream, but Jace senses my pain and immediately gets off of me.

"What hurts? Do you want me to call Magnus? Can I help at all?" He bombards me with questions I barely register as I slowly breathe in and out.

When the pain starts to subside I lift up my shirt to see a light pink scar running down my waist into my leggings, I gasp,

"Clary I'm so sorry." He whispers, lightly running a finger down my side, "If I would've been paying more attention this wouldn't have happened to you."

He sounds guilty for something he couldn't have controlled, "No, you have nothing to be sorry for. You already had three demons to take care of and…I have no idea what I would've done if the demon had…gotten to you." I choke up a little bit at the thought of Jace dying.

"I'm right here." He says, gathering me into his arms, "And now that you're mine I'm pretty hard to get rid of."

Before I can respond, Magnus barges into my room, making me jump.

"How are you doing sweetie pie?" He asks, walking in with a leather bag in his hand.

"Fine…?" I say hesitantly, not really sure how to answer.

"Well that's a lie if I've ever heard one." He says, examining my ankle.

"I have good news and bad news," He says, "Which one would you like first?"

"Bad news."

"You wont be able to walk on that leg properly for a few weeks."

"Can I still go hunting?" I ask.

" _No_." Jace enters the conversation, I roll my eyes.

"I have to agree with Jace on this one. You're still extremely weak. Whatever Sebastian gave you, he doesn't want you in the way. Do you know what he gave you Clary?" Magnus asks me, lifting an eyebrow.

I bring my knees to my chest, "No." I lie.

" _Now_ you're lying, Clarissa." He says.

I don't say anything. Doesn't he know I'm trying to protect him right now?

"You don't have to protect Sebastian, Clary." Jace says

"I'm not." I say half to myself.

"Then what are you hiding? I know you know Clarissa."

"I know and you should to!" I yell at Magnus, "I mean you are the one who gave him everything he needed. I _saw_ you there almost every week with another warlock giving him a box of whatever random shit was in there."

"Clary I had no idea he was-" Magnus sounds disgusted with himself.

"Yeah, well he's Sebastian, what do you expect?" I say bitterly.

"I'm still confused." Jace says, standing up, "what's been going on Magnus? You _knew_ Clary had Sebastian?"

"It's a long story." Magnus says, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'm not allowed to intervene with Nephilim business unless specifically called upon, I'm basically a maid service to you lot."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jace sounds extremely suspicious.

"I was sworn to secrecy, I literally could not speak a word."

"How is that even poss-"

"Me" I say lowly, remembering the day like it was yesterday, "Sebastian used me for more than just…" I don't finish my sentence, knowing Jace understands it's meaning.

"I was his sister and his 'most powerful weapon' as he put it. To Seb, Magnus was an asset, another one of his workers. I knew something was up when he saw me while he was delivering a package, he had recognized me."

"Sebastian saw too." Magnus continues, "He knew it was dangerous forcing my help. So when Clary came in during our deal, she was different, it was like she was brainwashed totally under his control. When he said jump she would ask how high. Instead he wanted my secrecy. I was overwhelmed and then Clary made sure I remembered seeing her, but her rune made sure the words wouldn't come out that I knew where she was. Clarissa's extremely powerful."

"So I had to 'take my medicine' every couple of days, maybe once a week if I was lucky, and he would use me for whatever he needed me to do, whether it was to forget or to invent some rune or just for the hell of it." I say, events playing out in my mind.

"I had no choice." I whisper.

"Magnus why would you ever agree to that?!" Jace seems angry.

"I didn't have a choice." He anger also seems to be building.

"You always have a choice!"

"NO I DIDN'T! NOT THAT TIME!" He yells back at him, "it was either I give him what he wants or Alec dies."

I can see how taken aback Jace looks, he definitely didn't expect to hear that.

"Clary would've stopped him." Jace says lamely.

"No I wouldn't have." I say sadly, "I had no idea who Alec was, who you were, who Magnus was. I just though Magnus was another one of us."

His head snaps back at me, "Clary you aren't one of them anymore, you were never meant to be." He tries to convince me.

I barely listen to him. I was one of them.

" He overdosed Clary yesterday. I don't know if he was trying to kill her or wanting the effect to take place faster, but he wants his sister back badly."

I laugh dryly, "He already told me he doesn't want me back." No matter how much I despise my brother, those words will always sting a little.

"I heard the way he talked about you Clary. He _needs_ you in his ultimate plan, you're the most important piece and now he's missing it. The only thing going for him is you still have a lot of holes in your mind. And, oddly enough, he loves you."

I watch as Jace's hands form fists.

"What's the good news?" I ask him, wanting to lighten the mood.

Magnus looks down at me with tired eyes, and smiles, "Your hair looks amazing today Clarissa."

This brings a small smile to my face, I can see the sadness and guilt in the back of his eyes although none of this was his fault.

"Thank you Magnus." I say, before sliding down my bed in an attempt to get up.

"Oh yes!" He says, obviously trying to gain back his enthusiasm, "gifts!"

In his leather bag he takes out a pair of crutches as if this is the Mary Poppins movie.

"Here," He says, handing them to me, "Mundane, I know, but there isn't much I can do to heal you at the moment but give you potions."

"Thank you Magnus." I say genuinely, I really do appreciate all he's done for me.

"Don't sweat it cupcake. I'll be back tonight to check on you." He says before leaving.

Slowly I get up, using the crutches for support.

"So…" I say to Jace, "Breakfast?"

He seems to snap out of his reverie when I talk, he looks at me and smirks, "I thought you'd never ask, I'm starving."

I laugh and roll my eyes as we walk down the hallway, thankful he adjusts his pace to mine. When we get to the kitchen Magnus has found Alec and they're talking at the table.

"Clary! How are you? Look, pancakes! Try one!" She starts enthusiastically as I walk in the room.

I look at Jace who also looks wary about the perfectly looking pancakes, but who knows what's wrong with them if Izzy made them.

"Don't worry mom made them." She says

Jace sighs theatrically before putting two on a plate, Izzy rolls her eyes. I put a pancake on my own plate and walk over to the seat Jace pulled out for me.

"There's demon activity over at Broadway that we need to take care of." Alec says as he sips on some coffee.

"I take it I can't go with you guys." I say, slightly annoyed I can't go.

"Nope." Magnus says.

"Well look on the bright side, you could go over to Simon's house." Izzy says.

I think over this. She's right, I feel as though it's been a while since I've been to his house.

"Yeah, I guess I'll do that."

"No your not, not while you're still crutching around." Jace says protectively, I roll my eyes again.

"It can't be that bad." I say, "It's a straight shot to his house on the subway."

"Clary, He doesn't live at his house anymore." Izzy says, I look up at her, "I'll give you the address to his apartment, it's about the same distance."

I smile at her thankfully, feeling another slice of sadness at not remembering where my best friend lives.

"You're letting her go?!" Jace says incredulously.

"Well she has to do something while were gone for he next couple of hours, it's just cruel to leave her here alone."

Jace runs a hand through his hair, I can tell he's annoyed but he also knows he's not going to win this fight.

"Let's gear up." Izzy says, leaving the table, Alec follows and I slowly get out of my seat to go and get changed.

Jace stops me in the doorway.

" Just _please_ be careful, okay?" He genuinely asks me.

"Always am." I say.

"The last time you said that a demon clawed you in half." He sounds slightly worried.

"I should be telling you the same thing. Don't worry about me, just don't get killed."

"No demon has anything on all of this." He says, pointing at himself, I laugh.

"Now go, I'll be fine." I say before giving him a light peck on the lips.

"See you later." He seems reluctant to leave me.

"Later." I smile reassuringly.

 **AN: Hey guys I really wanted to get this chapter out tonight because school starts tomorrow for me!): I'm going to be trying my best to post chapter ASAP but this is a busy year so wish me luck!**

 **As always comment what you think about this chapter because I love reading your feedback it seriously makes my day. You all are amazing, beautiful and don't forget that!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Clary POV

The directions Izzy were pretty straightforward and easy to follow. Aside from getting down to the subway and the almost falling over countless times, the trip eventless. I finally reach his apartment building and it looks like every other one in New York, old.

I climb up the stairs slowly, no elevator…woohoo, to get to the third floor. I'm a little winded when I reach his room, when I knock, a girl opens the door.

She's beautiful with her dark skin and chocolate eyes, she smiles and I notice sharpened canines, werewolf.

"Clary!" She yells, bringing me into a hug, I wince at how strong she is.

"Umm…hi!" I say, not recognizing her.

"Okay Maia you can let go now, she's still crippled." Simon says, walking into my line of vision.

"Oh yeah." She says, letting go and looking at me with a warm smile, "Come in, Jordan isn't here right now, he's at Luke's."

I give her a confused look, "How does he know my step dad?"

She sits down on the couch and motions for me to come too.

"Luke's the leader of our wolf pack, I'm a part of it. I'm Maia by the way. We met a little while back. Jordan's my boyfriend and also Simons…bodyguard since he became a vampire."

I look at her, trying hard to remember but nothing comes to me at the moment.

"It's nice to meet you…again." I say, she laughs.

"What brings you to our neck of the woods Clare?" He asks, sitting down.

"Jace, Izzy and Alec went on a demon raid. I, obviously, couldn't come so Izzy recommended I stop by and I thought it was a good idea." I explain.

"Well, this is my home." He stretches his arms out, "You like?"

I look around, "Well it's definitely a man cave."

"That's what I said!" Maia says, happy someone agrees with her.

"Girls." Simon mumbles, I smirk, "Well you lot don't have an Xbox, which means I can whip both of your butts at Halo."

There's my nerdy best friend I (sort of) remember, "Oh you're on."

Maia hands me a controller and the games begin, he is so going down.

"I let you win that time!" Simon says, a little frustrated at the game. We've been playing this game for a couple of hours now and I've been dominating.

"That's funny Si, because you said that in the last game when I beat you." I say.

"And the game before that when _I_ beat you." Maia says next to me, I laugh.

"Well… maybe my skills have gotten a little rusty." He jokes.

"Yeah, that's it." I say sarcastically as I set my controller down and lean on my best friend.

"Do you want to play another round Clary?" Maia asks.

"Nah, I'll just watch you two this time." I say, Simon gives me a look.

"Do you want me to call Magnus?" He asks.

I shake my head, "I'm just tired."

"Just tell me if you need anything." He says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

I nod my head but don't say anything. I'm asleep before they finish their first match.

I have no idea how long I'm out, however when I wake up there's less light filtering through the curtains. The clock on the wall reads 11pm, I don't think I'm awake enough to register how late that is to be out. I notice I'm sprawled across Simon's lap now. I close my eyes again and it seems as though Simon and Maia have switched to watching TV.

"…She okay now?" I hear another, unfamiliar voice say.

"She's still the same old Clary, she just doesn't remember a huge chunk of her life. Sebastian's put her through a lot of shit in the past couple of months." Simon sounds mad.

"I can sense how weak she is from over here. As a werewolf, she would be an easy kill. Don't let her just go back to the institute alone Simon. Poor girl, let her sleep here." The male voice says.

"That's a good idea, Jordan. But Jace would freak if she didn't go back tonight."

The other male voice grunts, agreeing with Si.

"It's a dangerous world, Simon." Jordan says after a second.

"So I've learned." Simon replies.

I take a few seconds to wake myself up before turning over and opening my eyes again.

"Look who's up." Simon says, smiling down at me goofily.

"Hey Clary." A teenage boy across the room says, he has an arm wrapped around Maia, I assume that's her boyfriend.

"Hi." I say, sitting up, "You must be Jordan?" I ask.

He nods, "In the flesh. We met at Simon's band auditions, I'm also a part of the Praetor Lupus."

I think about Simon's band, he rarely talks about them now, maybe they finally gave up since the whole vampire- turning thing.

"Weren't you the singer?" I say hopefully, he smiles.

"So you do remember me?" He sounds pleased.

I look down, my small achievement forgotten, "Sorry, that's it."

"Well it's something!" He says enthusiastically, "How do you feel?"

I look at him, he seems genuinely curious, "I'm getting around." He nods.

He looks like he wants to say something else until Simon's phone rings, he looks down at it and smiles.

"Hey Iz." He says into the phone.

"Hey, Simon." I hear her as he puts it on speaker.

"What's up?" He asks her.

"Oh nothing, Jace is just freaking out over here because Clary isn't back yet. But she's with you right?" She doesn't sound concerned at all.

"Yeah she's…sleeping." Simon covers for me.

"See Jace I told you." I hear Izzy say to Jace whose probably listening in on this conversation.

"Simon why isn't she back yet? Is she okay?" Jace takes the phone.

"Yeah she's fine. Jeez you sound like her mother." He says without thinking, I try my best to ignore it but he shoots a sorry glance in my direction.

He doesn't answer for a second, "I'll come over to get her."

"Why? Jace it's almost midnight, she's perfectly fine over here." Simon seems confused.

"Aw, that's cute. Jace is being overprotective." Izzy says which makes me smile a little.

"Shut up Iz, I'll be over in like 20 minutes." Jace says before hanging up.

"No." I whine, "I just want to sleep."

"Well," Simon says, picking me up, "You have 20 minutes."

He walks over to a closed door, which he opens that looks very similar to his old room.

"Remember our sleepovers?" I ask as he puts me on his bed, he smiles.

"Yeah, but your boyfriend would decapitate me if we had one now." I laugh, noticing he doesn't get in the bed with me.

When I don't answer, he walks over to the door and closes it.

20 minutes feels like 2 seconds when I'm next woken up.

"Clary." I hear a familiar voice say softly, I don't open my eyes, and groan.

" Clare we need to go." I open my eyes.

Jace is still in his gear, I see Izzy talking to Simon quietly in the corner. I slowly sit up and get my crutches, if I hear correctly Jace sighs impatiently, I raise my eyebrows but don't say anything.

"Come back anytime Clary. Mi casa es su casa." Simon jokes as I crutch past him, I smile.

"Thanks Si."

"Bye Simon." Izzy says, giving Simon a quick kiss on the lips before walking out the door.

I follow Izzy as Jace leads the way, I struggle to keep up with his faster that usual walking pace, he doesn't seem in a good mood.

As we reach the subway we get on silently, I sit on the bench and Jace turns his back to me…hmm. I look at Izzy who shrugs sympathetically, I nod and look down at my hands for the remainder of the ride.

When we reach our stop Jace gets off without sparing a glance backwards, jeez what's wrong with him? Luckily Izzy keeps pace with me, keeping me company the next couple of blocks with her random conversations.

I take the chance to confront Jace when we get off of the elevator.

"Is something wrong?" I ask him, he stops in his tracks.

He shakes his head and walks down the hallway.

"You're lying." I say, trying to keep up, "you're obviously mad at something."

No answer again.

"Fine… Goodnight." I say passively as I open my bedroom door.

"Why were you out so late?" He asks me all of a sudden, I turn back to toward him and laugh dryly.

"Is that what this is about? I wasn't out, I was at Simon's. It's no big deal."

He gives me a look, " Well Simon's house isn't safe, especially since you can hardly keep up."

I feel taken aback, are we really fighting over this at 1 in the morning.

"Sorry mom." I mumble, going to open my door again.

He sighs loudly, "Clary, If I don't know where you are-"

"Well I never asked for you to babysit me 24/7." I snap, slightly pissed at his attitude right now.

"Yeah, well I never asked for you to jump in between me and that demon."

Okay that hurt a little. However he's not done.

"My point is stop being so reckless Clary. I feel like I'm talking to a stubborn 5 year old sometimes when I'm trying to get you to understand." He sounds annoyed, "Honestly. You're a shadowhunter, get it together. Or did your brother taught you differently?"

Yep, that was too far and I can tell the exact moment Jace realizes that too. However I don't give him time to say anything else before I close my door in his face and bury my face in my pillow. I'm alone yet I still want to hide my embarrassment, hurt, and humiliation from the world.

I hear my door open slowly, I don't even have to look up to see who it is.

"Clary-"

"It would be in your best interest to leave right now." I say curtly, I don't look up but I can tell he's looking at me, when I don't' say anything else I hear to door close again.

Peace.

What is up with him? Was he always like this? I don't understand why Jace is so mad, what does he expect me to do all day while they're running around the city hunting demons without me? It's not like I was summoning a demon, I was at Simon's and somehow that's not a good thing.

No tears Clary, he's not worth it. You've done well on your own and just because this guy comes along doesn't mean I need to rely on him. Nonetheless it still hurts hearing him say I'm childish and should have never saved his life. This fight totally could have been avoided and I don't understand why he brought it up now.

I slowly get up to lock my door, not wanting anyone to enter my room; not tonight, and sprawl on my bed and almost immediately fall asleep.

Let's just say this wasn't my best night's sleep.

 **Jace POV**

God Jace you're an idiot, a complete and total jerk.

After closing Clary's door I walk across the hallway to my room, I lie on my back and look up my ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular.

I have to apologize tonight before this gets any worse. I get up and walk to Clary's door, locked. Great.

What she probably doesn't recognize is that I need her more than she needs me. Clary keeps me grounded and from doing anything _too_ reckless. Maybe I'm just angry that she recognizes ratface more than her boyfriend. It's not like Simon would try to pull anything, he knows I would kill him…again.

Ugh why don't I ever think before I say. There's no excuse for hurting her especially since she has no power over any of this shit that has happened to her.

Tomorrow's going to suck.

 **AN: Yay I finally finished this chapter! School has started where I live so now chapters will probably come out once or twice a week! Anyway I hope you guys liked this chapter hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.**

 **Comment what you think about this fanfic, I love hearing your feedback! You all are amazing people and don't forget that!**

 **R &R**

 **XOXO**

 **Erin**


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